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female
age
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anonymous
writes:My husband lost his sex drive and erection around 4 years ago. I tried everything to find out why. Made appointments,to doctors, and therapist. Nobody knows what is going with him, but very likely some psychological issue. he is healthy,gets erections at his sleep. But he is very closed to open up about his problems,so I 'm in limbo . I have no idea, what is wrong with him and I'm tired of finding solutions. Romantic nights etc is not a chance, because of luck of sex drive. Now our relationship is really tens. This is a 25 years long marriage,with children. I don't know what to think. He says he loves me. I can't believe him. What should I do,or think ? What can be wrong with a man at 44? Its not medical for sure, no hormones,or anything . It's all good. I just don't want to end up to be a loser, and find out something nasty. I would tolerate this if I know he is sick. He does not do anything to make things better, what do you suggest? Thanks so much for reading this..
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): The amount of semen a man produces does not determine how many times he needs to ejaculate every day. There is no "need" to ejaculate, just a desire. Testosterone will drive this desire. When I was in my mid 30s, I could have sex 3 or 4 times a day, every day. However, I could also go for days without sex or masturbation. I can have sex every day now in my 60s, but when we are really busy or tired, I sometimes go for 4 days without ejaculating. The body produces semen and sperm continuously. When there is more semen produced than the seminal vesicles can hold, then it is either absorbed by the body or released at night. About 4 days worth of production can be stored in the seminal vesicles. After 4 days it is absorbed or leaked out.
A man can still have a desire for sex and have an orgasm even after he is out of semen because of repeated ejaculations. He will have an orgasm, but nothing or very little will come out.
The amount of semen a man produces does not drive libido. It is his balance of hormones that drives libido and also his relationship. For men, it is more dependent on hormones. For woman, it is most often driven by feelings and the relationship.
Seminal fluid is produced from secretions from the seminal vesicles, prostate and bulbourethral glands. The sperm is produced by the testes. The combined fluid is stored in the seminal vesicles and released during ejaculation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): toomuchtrouble has discussed the ED problem at length so i won't mention on that. Good response from him.
however just be careful that a third party is not involved. my sisters hb also suddenly lost it. no medical problems, she was the one fretting about him medically. there was a factor - all in the form of another woman. devastated my sister. she too was married for over 20 years and thought she was with her soul mate. although the other woman is no more, and that he NEVER confessed to the affair, my sis bared the brunt of his sexual malfunction. now it is once a month, for a mere few seconds and she must be "greatful" that he does it with her. but he could get it up for his lover NO PROBLEMS THEN.
Dear OP, just look at every angle and what is really causing his ED.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): If he gets good night time erections, it is not ED. Have you noticed if the erections are really good or just semi hard. If he doesn't get really hard, like before all this started, then there could be some level of ED.
Has he had his hormones checked? The most important ones for male libido and ED are total and free testosterone (T), estradiol (E2) and dihydrotestosterone (DHT). As men age, their T and DHT levels drop and their E2 level goes up. When we reach our mid 50s, it is common for men to have more E2 then post menopausal women have. Even if a guy has sufficient T and DHT, high E2 can cause erection and libido problems. I have read on various men's health boards that some men have good erections, but no libido when they have either low T or high E2.
I was fine until I reached about 62 years old and got mild ED. It was about a year before I got some of the other signs of low T, like low libido and depression. I researched the symptoms and found the link to low T and then talked to my doctor and he agreed. I have been on T replacement for over a year and have been feeling great for a few months now. It took about a year to discover the right dose and to get my E2 low enough to feel good. It is interesting, but both low and high E2 can cause libido problems in men. I was high and then got it too low. I now feel great again.
If he has had his T checked, what is the level? The lab ranges are based on what is normal for men between the ages of 18 and 90. They don't always give separate ranges for different age groups. Different labs have different ranges, depending on how the run the test. Some are like 250 to 850, while others are like 300 to 1000. The lab that my doctor uses is 250 to 1100. I was at 304, but he told me that I should be at least 500 for a man in his 60s. I am now running 650 to 850 and feel great again. Since your husband is 44, he should probably be about 600 to 800, or even slightly higher to feel good.
Does he have any of the other signs of low T, like depression, loss of strength and fatigue? Sometimes depression is one of the first to show up. Some guys don't suffer from anything except loss of libido or depression, but I had all of the signs, starting at different times. My strength was decreasing and now it is what it was 10 years ago.
On the Viagra thing. Viagra will not help with libido. It just helps with ED if the guy has good libido to start with. I was using a small dose of Viagra for over a year, but now I don't need it at all since my hormones are at proper levels. I think there are a lot of guys using Viagra who have ED caused by hormone problems. I have read that it is estimated that 30% of older men have low T, but only 10% of them are being treated for it. There are men in their 20s and 30s who have to take testosterone because they don't make enough of it. Most men are fine until their 50s or 60s and some even into their 80s.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): He may have reached the point in his life where his testosterone level has dropped off and he is producing less sperm and semen. Obviously, the more semen a guy produces each day, the more he needs to ejaculate. When I was in my teens I would need to cum 3 or 4 times a day to stay level headed. In my twenties that number dropped to 2-3 times per day, and in my thirties I was down to twice a day. Now that I am 46, I orgasm only once each day, sometimes twice if I am feeling particularly horny. I imagine when I am 80, cumming one a month would suffice.In your husband's case, he may have reached a point where he is not finding his sex drive kicking in because of a lack of semen. With a low semen volume and low sex drive, sexual intercourse would not be very enjoyable for him. He may find the whole sexual experience a lot of physical work with no pleasureable sensations along the way.With a low sex drive, his penis is no doubt less sensitive, which would explain the impotence. I am not trying to be mean, but you have been married 25 years and you have had children. Maybe he is finding your vagina is not tight enough to stimulate his de-sensitized penis and he cannot retain a hard on during intercourse with you. That failure would build up anxiety and further exacerbate the problem.Try to find out if he is masturbating to relieve his build up of semen each day. If he is then it sounds like a sensitivity issue. He can grip his penis tighter with his hand and it is more pleasurable. If he has turned to his hand instead of your vagins, then you have a few choices to make. a.) You can go without sexual intercourse for the rest of your life.b.) You can go find a working penis outside the home and risk getting caught.c.) You can get divorced and get all the working penis you want.d.) Try stimulating the male G-spot and see if that gets him hard.e.) You can see a plastic surgeon and get information about tightening your vaginal walls. If you had an 18 year old vagina again, it may be just what his penis needs to get interested in sex again.Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Probably most men have a erectile dysfunction by the time they are in their 50's, some earlier. My x has these problems, and drs. said it was emotional. He used Viagra. Sometimes it worked; sometimes it didn't. Chances are that if you met another man, you would probably face the same problem.
Just about everyone I know is on Viagra.
Question? Is he not able to give you a climax by other stimulation? If not--don't go ape on me anyone--but invest in an electric tooth brush and use it privately to stimulate orgasm. It is much more effective than a dildo. Do not place it in your vagina but gently on your clit. You will experience the best climax of your life and will care less about this. My sister told me about this, and I was shocked. It put me in heaven though!
The more you "bug" your husband, the more his self esteem will diminish.
Let me know via email how it works if you use it.
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