A
female
age
51-59,
*weetpea65
writes:hi i am in quiet a dilemma. i have been happily married for 13 years.Three months ago, my husband walked out for no reason. We had had no argument,disagreement or anything. All his clothes, underwear and everything is still at the house. He is still going to work and I have all the money. He has got himself a room in a house and works on his days off to pay for it. When i speak to him he says he still loves us but doesnt to be with us anymore.I dont know which way to turn. He is very thin and looks very ill. His work colleagues say he is very quiet and seems very low, but I don't know which way to turn. I don't want to divorce him. I still love him and am worried if I did anything drastic it would send him over the edge. He is also refusing to see anyone medical.Please help.
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (7 September 2007):
 Ok what i would suggest is if you are now on your own, there is help out there for you, as i went down the same path.
Speak to you council and they can get the council tax bill changed so you will not have to pay as much, if you are on benefits you will not have to pay for anything.
Email me and i can try and help you futher babe.
Take care.xx.
A
female
reader, sweetpea65 +, writes (7 September 2007):
sweetpea65 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi im stil lhaving the same problems but now he has decided he is better off on his own but all he will say when asked why is because i am ,he has now asked for half his wageshe doesnt seem to realise if he does this i will be unable to pay all the bills and provide for our 11 year old son what can i do
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): it sounds like your husband has a drug problem my dad does so everything you just explained sounds like drugs i am sorry you are going through this it has affected the whole family just be strong through all this as im only 16 and it hit me pretty hard just be strong and if you have any kids be strong for them and yourself...anony234
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (28 August 2007):
It may well be that he is suffering with depression and that he feels he is a failure, so he would rather be away from you as not to cause you any problems, i went through a very similar thing with my husband and i new he was unwell but he would not accept that, after keeping on and booking him an appointment with our doctor and going with him he was diagnosed with depression and subsequently treated for it it's been a long road but we are now back together and he is constantly apologising for what he put us through.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Clarey +, writes (28 August 2007):
 This could be a mid life crisis. Buy a book called "Love Must Be Tough" online which was used by a friend of mine in similar circumstances recently. She is a very intelligent woman and was as devastated as you are - she rated it as a truly helpful self-help book. It helped her see that what was happening was not because of her (it is not because of you or your children)and that she could have no control over it. In the end she told her husband that he was free to go. He may come back, she is no sure that she would have him. She is empowered and survived. He loves her "but not enough" he says. Now he lives alone and has nothing, in his fifties, let's see if he has an epiphany.
There is no point offering helpful direction to him, he does not want your advice. This is his way of trying to find out who exactly he is, therefor it must be self-directed. Giving advice or offering opinions is pobably the last thing he wants from you. Read all you can online but make sure you get the book. The very best of luck, this is a really tough one because it seems so incomprehensible. The book will help you understand exactly what is happening and what to do/notdo.
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