A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband just left after bad mouthing me to our children. Ive been unwell for almost 3 weeks.. my cough has turned into bronchitis. Ive been feeling horribly miserable. When i first started out with the cough, i was still working out and excersizing, but stopped after i had a coughing fit and a panic attack. I couldnt breath and it scared the living day lights-out of me. Well my husband trains me. I play softball, football aswell as have 1 hour excersize sessions on my off days and 2 rest day a week. My husbands feeling frustrated .. because i havent done anything for 2 weeks and ive had a few days off of work. He came home and started bickering about he dishwasher not being loaded and other little things.He said not nice things to me and about me infront of our 10 and 8 year old. Im feeling devastated. He also up and left. It's been an hour. Im not going to bother him for a while. Does anyone have any advice? I understand he has have a lot of stressors at the moment. I just dont know what to do. We have been together 10 years married for 6 if that helps. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (4 November 2015):
 Hopefully he comes back with an apology for you and an apology for you kids. He needs to be taking ownership of such unjust behaviour so I wouldn't be making excuses to your kids for him. I would go as far to say to them that you are sorry dad said such horrible things and it make you sad that they had to hear it. When he returns, pull him aside and let him know that you don't deserve to be spoken to in that manner and that you are extremely disappointed knowing that he has no empathy for you not feeling well and expect better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2015): That's PRETTY bad behaviour... bad mouthing you to two kids, old enough to understand... teaching THEM to act like a stroppy child and bad mouth other people when they aren't happy with something?? (I don't really know how he can be UNHAPPY that you're temporarily disabled from ILLNESS... it's very difficult to voice the outrage you should be feeling!) Upping and leaving in a wife and two kids, in some stupid strop? Well that's a real MAN isn't it? Trying to turn your own kids against you, for slacking a bit because of your illness, trying to make YOU feel guilty for what exactly?? BEing ill?/i dont get it, what a TOSSER! Don't let him get you down, and don't make excuses for him... ten years, guessing he's been chipping away at you trying to break you down for years... you might be scared to leave because of your children, but recognise that he has bad character, and I 100% think if he makes you feel like this and acts up on a regular basis, you'd do better without him... maybe HE can provide for his kids, rather than expecting an ill mother to do it... Try couples counselling, for their sake, but I wouldn't be surprised if he makes no effort to make things better- sounds like he likes leaving you dangling on a string, feeling bad about yourself is how he likes things...Remember don't feel trapped, because 1. you dont deserve t be unhappy and treated bady, and your kids will be affected by the bad environment, I think more so than if you were separated... he would still have to provide for them as the dad...If I've got it wrong and this is a one off, then maybe Ive been too dramatic, you should work through things, but STILL it's appalling behaviour bad mouthing you to your kids like that... I dont have the experience of a ten year marriage, but if he treats you like this on a regular basis, it's very bad news and you would do better to get away..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 November 2015):
 FIRST thing you do is get on a course of antibiotics and get over your bronchitis. If you are already on it, 5-10 days course will make you all better.
Secondly your husband is a twat. YOU are sick with an infection in your respiratory system and working out is not going to "cure" that... medicine is. Taking a week or 3 break from working out is not going to make you unfit or sedentary.
So let him go blow off steam.
Why he isn't more concerned with you getting better, than you not WORKING out is odd to me. I mean if someone is sick with an infection you don't go push them to run half a marathon, would you?
Is he generally not very good with illness? At least YOUR illness?
And the stressors are understandable, we all have them, but it really doesn't excuse that he talks trash to you in front of the kids.
I will also agree that maybe you need someone else to coach you if this is how he tries to "motivate" you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 November 2015):
 The first thing to do is get yourself a new trainer as soon as you feel well. I think it is a mistake to mix a domestic relationship with your fitness regime.
You don't say what level you train at but I think at any level getting a new trainer on your case would be a healthy move now. It's wrong when the two conflict.
Not only would it give your husband something serious to think about, but it could be helpful to your fitness programme.
At your age, athletically, it is always good to keep a few reps' in the tank. Don't exercise to exhaustion level. You become worn down and your immune system suffers. It sounds like that may have happened to you.
You need recuperation time now.
You also don't say how qualified your husband is to coach you. You really don't have to take instruction from him just because you are married.
Oh! And as for your children, just quietly explain to them that sometimes Daddy can be an idiot.
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