A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for two years and it's been great overall, although we can have the odd argument like any healthy relationship.The only thing that bugs me is when I look at my past compared to hers. Initially when we first met I was a bit apprehensive as I was still a virgin and she had had 6 partners before me, 4 were one nighters when she was at university and last was with her previous boyfriend (so I was worried about my experience and that it was crap). The other part is that when she talks about school she seemed to enjoy it and had good memories of then and at university as well. Although I had a better time in my life at uni, high school is one part of my life I never really want to talk about and still don't, despite her asking questions. Reason being (which I haven't told her) is that I was bullied for 6 years up until I was 18 and had no support from anyone. A few times I ended up with marks on my body that lasted for weeks and I would sometimes have to eat lunch in the toilet as it was the only place I would get peace.The reason I'm thinking about this now is that she confessed that when she was at uni (she said she had a bit of a wild first years) she had a threesome but admitted it was a one off and she also calmed down after first year. That was a week ago when she told me and I've just had feelings of jealousy ever since that she's had this great life up until now and for most of my time at school and in early years of uni I was largely miserable and didn't know how to balance work and life. Whilst I do now have that balance I feel like I wished I could turn clock back and change so much of my younger life. How do I get over this feeling?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2015): I sometimes feel like this with my partner, he did so much when he was younger, he was a roadie for some band, he travelled, he went to festivals he had load of friends. He really enjoyed his life. He's done far more than me. On the other hand I was so quiet in school and college, I didn't really like it. I had children at quite a young age so I didn't get to do many of the things he has done. Although I wouldn't change that for the world! I love my kids :) But I haven't had the life experiences that he has.He enjoys spending time with me, he loves being with my children and we do lots of things together. He wouldn't change his past but he's older now and finds different things interesting, like taking me out to the country, going for walks and everyday things like that.We sometimes tell each other things when we are drunk, like past sexual experiences but it's never a good idea! It's not that he's trying to make out his life was so much better before me he just likes sharing things from his past with me.The things she did while at uni were a part of growing up, I can't really see that she has told you about amazing things, they just sound like pretty average things that a lot of people do at that age.The past is where it belongs, you can't change that. But you can plan to do lots of amazing things with her and when she's older have those memories to share with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2015): Tell her how you feel. And she cant change her past. She is already who she is, If you cant let it go then let her go. But if you look at her and you see a woman you love in that moment and nothing can change that, then just push all those jealous feelings away and work on what you got going with her already.Honestly its always best to date someone with similar experiences as yours. I have only been with one guy and will only feel comfortable dating a guy with same sexual experience. But it all depends. Does this girl love you? Shows you her loyalty? Is objectibly a good woman? Only you can make that decision. good luck!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 November 2015):
 You have to accept who you are. You are unique (like everyone else). Your path is your own, and the arrow of time goes one way. You can't go back, but in the future you can make up for things you missed.
You were programmed by your upbringing, your social circle, your environment and your genes. Don't beat yourself up over the past.
We all have regrets over missed opportunities, wrong turns, and errors of judgement. It becomes our experience. It guides us on. It makes us interesting people. And, I think, we all do the best we can at the time.
Just try not to hurt anyone on the way.
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