A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont really know what I am looking for but i would like any opinions and advice that anyone can offer. My husband and I have been together for 6 years since we were 16 and have never had a GREAT relationship but obviously we are content because we are still here. We have been arguing alot lately and its not just common day to day arguments, they become heated and nasty. He feels that i do not try hard enough to please him sexually, he feels that I am a cheater, he thinks that i do not talk to him right, he has told me i am not a good wife or mother. and i do admit that i get somewhat of an attitude at times but overall I treat my husband pretty well and i would never ever even think about being with another person intimatly. I have been taking a major test for work which is spread out from April through October this year. So monday I took the last portion of this test and i did not pass. Sunday night after a weekend that was full of love making with my husband, we had our parents over for dinner. I procrastinated on my homework for school so i had to finish that up and of course i wanted to do some last minute studying for my test for work. It was about 12 am when i finished up everything i needed to do and i said i want to go to sleep. He went to bed with me and just asked me to go down on him. I admit i was stressing, sleepy and grumpy so i was not 100% ready and willing to do that as I am EXPECTED to be. I told him that, that I feel expected to do it any time no matter what is going on in my life. (this is a part of our issues) and he said that he doesnt but he still wants it. He does not kiss me, touch me or even talk to me to get me in the mood. He simply asks for me to do it and for me especially when i am in the mood i was in its hard to do that and act happy about it. And if i refuse or do not do it good enough he is not happy. He cuses me out, calls me names and wont talk to me until he is ready again. Anyways so instead of pleaseing him we argued for about an hour, this whole time I was liek why cant you just make love to me and we both be happy? He wanted a BJ and would not give down, he left the bed and we didnt talk till the next day. He did not ask me about my test or anything. He didnt even ask me ever, I eneded up saying "do you care how my test went" and this was the day after and he said "oh yea how was it?" but wouldnt listen to what i had to say about it. Its liek he expects me to say oh it was hard and not say why? I have to explain myself to anyone I just do and he is my husband I want to tell him everything!Today was when i found out my results and it was very disapointing because now I will not be promoted and will not receive the raise. I will retake this test in April next year, which is great but its just very disappointing because up to this last part I aced the tests and was doing the best on my team. He of course is sad for me and is disappointed also that i will not be getting the raise (that was his first question) But again i called him on my break and told him and he didnt want to hear about it. He was not busy he was going to lay down to go to sleep. He just said sucks you wont be getting the raise, but he wont listen to me about how I feel about failing the test. My Mentor at work who i am strickly buisness with came to me and asked what has been wrong with me lately. I havnt sounded like my usuall self and i seem down and when i told her about failing the test she was shocked. Because I was doing the best on my team, I recently also became ceritified in my trade and that test is much more diffucult that what i am taking here at work. She just thinks I would have done beter, that i SHOULD have done better and I agree. She asked me if anything is going on at home and I told her breifly some of our issues. She said that I need to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy. I dont want to BLAME my husband on me failing the test, but i feel like he could do more to show me he cares. He kept me up the night before arguing about giving him a BJ, he didnt ask about the test the day i took it, he seems to only care about the money involved not how hard i have studied and prepared for this and how much i care about what position it brings and not so much the money it brings. I am the youngest person in my company and have opprotunitys to advance very high with this company. I feel like he has affected me in a way that distracted me and caused me to not do well on my test. We have been hvaing major issues lately where he threatens to leave and after so many threats of leaving me i told him to go ahead and leave but he didnt and acted like everything the next day was all good. He is throwing me around in circles, I dont know what he wants with me, I dont know if he is happy or just comfortable with me, and it is distracting. I know it is my responsibility to manage my work and my personal life but i feel like i cant win in either. Now this is my first disappointment at work, but that says alot about me, I have always been in the top % as far as expectations and such. But he is saying that i do not try hard enough for him and now people at work are starting to notice my issues even though i try very hard to not expose them. Every single person I have talked to was surprised that I did not pass this test for work. My husband I feel doenst care about what I am doing at work, how hard i am trying to create a career for myself. I just feel like I am not making myself happy anymore, I dont know myself anymore. I worry about what he is thinking and if he is happy. I have told him that I cant MAKE him happy and I am not going to. But its like he expects me to make him happy and in this case it is about sex. I dont know what to do anymore, I feel sad and lost. Obviously our issues are now effecting my work life and that is not good. I want to improve my relationship with my husband but he seems very resistant or sheilded to that. He wont ackowladge what i have done in an effort to make things better, he brings up past issues, he still expects to be pleased sexually no matter how I feel or what I want to do. He doenst really listen to me, he thinks he is right and I am wrong. I feel like I am not myself, I dont know myself anymore... I dont have freinds that i actually go out with, I am at home or at work, I cook dinner most nights, I clean my own house and do my own laundry, i take care of our animals including scooping the poop in the back yard, I am the one who actually takes care of our yard. I feel like its the mans job to do the yard and take out trash. I will handle everything else. But he doesnt do that, and we have a small yard it requiers frequent clean up or it will start to smell (big dog). I just dont know, he thinks he does too much for me, he does not work, he takes care of our child all day long. I just feel like I am not appreciated or even recognized anymore. He thinks im not good enough, but i dont know what else to do.
View related questions:
at work, in the mood, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 This may sound harsh to you but please just listen, he is using you hun he doesnt love you he is just confortable to sit around all day while you bring home the money then he demands sexual favours and does not show you any affection or love, he doesnt care about how you are getting on at work and he is not the loving husband that you deserve. He treats you like a slave and expects you to run around after him and do as you are told.
I think for your own sake that you need to get out of this relationship he is sponging of you and not showing any thanks in return he wont leave because he has it to easy with you why would he leave? You are providing him dinner and sexual favours he is walking all over you hun. You need to get out of this relationship before it affects your career even more and not only that but you as a person and also your child picking up this, do you want your child growing up thinking its ok for a man to treat a women like a piece of dirt on there show. I think you no that this relationship is over so take the step and tell him you want a divorcee and start working on your life and your childs life.
|
