A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am 26 and just got married. I have known him from my school time. And we dated for 1 year untill we got married. He was always curious to know details about my past relationships. I had a boyfriend before him and it lasted for 3 years. My husband always asks questions about him. Just few weeks after marriage he checked my phone and found WhatsApp conversation in my mails. And got mad at me after reading the conversation of me and my ex. Before that as well he would check my phone he is always curious. Judges me on everything. Relates everything with past and suspects me for everything I say to him. E.g if I use a specific word for him. He asks me " would u call him with the same name?" He always spy's on me.. is it all normal? I mean I am fedup with all this and have discussed it with him lots of times. He always says "I have the right to ask and u r supposed not to lie". Sometime these questions become so annoying and embarrassing for me. He asks me if I slept with him.and if I say no he asks me more and more questions. Seems like he just can't give up. I am suffering.. shall I hold on or shall I call it off???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2018): You're cheating in my books. Doesn't matter if you're not sleeping with this ex. You still have conversations with him while your husband is clearly not happy about it. And saved conversations in your mail? Clearly you still have feelings for this guy. I'd be pissed too.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (2 January 2018):
 I wouldn't break up this marriage. It's still new and this is its first test. Plus, both of you haven't don't anything to fix this situation. So far, the annoyance is escalating and both of you may ruin the marriage over nothing.
Your husband is definitively suspicious of your commitment to the marriage. I'd be triggered too had I found out that you are chatting with your ex. It's a MAJOR red flag against marriage and would make any man annoyed with it, let alone knowing what you two were talking about.
Anyway, if I was you, I wouldn't break this marriage without an attempt to fix it. Issue 1 is to acknowledge that talking to your Ex is very bad thing. Assure your man that he is over by removing Ex from your life. If you don't want to be asked about your past than don't keep your past around you.
Second, your husband may not know how to handle this situation and/or sees no way how to fix it. He could also be irritated by having notions that he picked wrong, and it maybe hard for him to accept that, so he figures to badger you. Whatever the case, conclude a discussion by agreeing that badgering you about times before marriage is not talking about marriage and therefore fixes nothing. If he wants the marriage fixed, than he needs to talk about what occurred in it and be constructive on how to go forward. If he can't do that, then there is no point being in marriage.
Insist on change from both, demand a pledge to that change and hold each other on the words you promise each other. Focus on mending fences and not so much on who is right and who wrong. Remove obstacles irrespective of who suggests them.
Give him some time to think about and see what happens. He will at least know that if he continues, then he will loose you. But, if you fix the marriage, you'd both come out stronger.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2018):
 Why are you still talking to the ex?
And if you aren't talking to the ex anymore WHY do you still have old conversations?
What I think you HAVE to do is cut OFF the ex-Bf from your life. YOU chose to marry someone else and THAT is where your priority and loyalty should lie.
That is step #1.
Step #2 is sit your husband down and tell him, OK you can ask 3-5 (whatever number you want) questions about the ex-BF and I will answer honestly but AFTER this conversation I will NO LONGER answer ANY questions about him, HE is my past, YOU are supposed to be my future so it's time to look forward not dig through my past. Tell him you want to make memories for you two and all these UNNECESSARY questions are making BAD memories.
Now, does this advice mean that I think you OWE your husband to tell him everything? No. It's really NONE of his business but I think if you offer to answer some things and then HE has to NOT bring up the subject EVER again - it's a fair trade. Sometimes making a compromise is the way to go.
I don't think he has a RIGHT to know every detail of your life before him. You are NOT his property.
Either he agrees or ... you consider what's next. This questioning you constantly isn't healthy for EITHER of you.
Unfortunately, I don't think he will keep his end of the bargain to NOT ask any more and then YOU have to decide if you can continue to live with a man who can't let YOUR past go.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 January 2018):
 Before jumping to the obvious conclusion, let me turn the question on its head.
Had you told your husband about your ex boyfriend before you got married?
Did he ever ask you about your past? Did you lie when asked?
What were the conversations that he found? Were they explicit in nature?
Why did you have them saved? What was the reason?
How old were those conversations?
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (2 January 2018):
 Might as well call it off. Unless he changes his mindset completely it will only become worse - torment on torment. It might be the lesson he needs to take him into life. He is driving himself crazy with jealousy and it won't end well for you.
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