A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I was was wondering if I could get some help here. My husband is very controlling. He refuses to listen to any ideas I have, and plans our weeks the ways he wants them.He will not see movies I want to see, or go to any social events I am interested in. He also spends his time as he pleases, and ignores days which are important to me. On my birthday, he spent it with his mother and his aunts, simply because he wanted to, and brushed it off as family commitments.He is incredibly devoted to his family and his work, but he makes no time for me. If I go out and try to be social, he gets angry, accuses me of ignoring our family, and tells me I'm slacking. We have a civic holiday coming up, and he is not spending it with me though Ive begged him too.I don't know how to get the power back in my relationship. If I try to speak to him, he just says "Im not discussing this" and leaves the room. If I tried that, I would never hear the end of it.What can I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): You can divorce him. That's the only realistic solution, if it's happiness you are seeking. Otherwise, suck it up. ~TKSAR~
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): You're not his wife, you're his SLAVE! Nobody wants to be married to anyone that has a slave's man mentality. You're the queen of your castle. Act like it. The only reason you're powerless is because you GAVE it to him. If he gets angry when you do what you want to do Let him! Politely tell him when you're threw throwing your temper tantrum I will return and talk to you like an adult. As for right now, I'm going to.... and leave! You DON'T have to put up with this. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): Start ignoring him and doing what YOU want. That's how you take back control It will never happen by asking him for permission or to be on board. You just need to start acting independently of him. And if he throws a tantrum then play his own game and say "I am not discussing this " and leave the room. Basically start acting the way he is back to himThey key is this has to be a permanent change in you, a new normal.if you slip back into being submissive then nothing has changed and you might as well not have done anything. Eventually he will either start to respect you more or he will be so infuriated he will destroy the relationship permanently or leave you no choice but to end the relationship. If its the latter, then this outcome is still preferable to the status quo you have now. Remember marriage is supposed to be your primary relationship so it has a big impact on the entire tone of your life. No marriage is worth constant disrespect and lack of consideration. If enduring that is what it takes to keep your husband with you then you've got the wrong husband.
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