A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is still friends with his ex-lover (I'll call her Amber). When we married 8 years ago, I knew he was good friends with a couple in our neighborhood, particularly the wife (Amber) with whom he shared an common interest in golf. Once we married, all four of us became close friends. Fast forward three years...my husband had a brief affair with a another friend of mine. Just a couple months later, Amber came to me to disclose that she, too, had an affair with my husband before I had met him. They loved each other but it had ended before I met him. Her husband knew about it too and somehow still remained a friend of my husband's. Somehow, we got through his affair and have been slowly building trust again. My problem is with his continued friendship with her. They still ocasionally talk and text, play golf together, and he attributes the continued friendship to 'common interests' - their golf (and their daughter's golf - our daughters are best friends which complicates things). Although he tells me nothing is inappropriate about their current relationship, it drives me crazy that they communicate.Amber's husband and my husband had a falling out (over something else) are not close anymore so we do not socialize as couples any longer. Am I asking too much for my husband not to have any communication with her any longer? Or should I just accept it? I resent her communication with my husband. She and I are cordial to one another but that is about it. If my husband insists that he continue his friendship with the wife, then we should rekindle the entire relationship with the four of us, and not just the two of them.I would love your input! Thanks!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 March 2014):
 I agree with Auntie Em too.
This would be a total no go for me. Absolute deal breaker - I don't give a flying fart about them having things in common, he should understand how uncomfortable this "friendship" is for you and for (without doubt) her husband.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2014):
 I think AuntyEm is right.
You are the girl he married so he could continue his contact with Amber. I'm betting that while he was single her husband was not permitting much contact if any.
You say "our daughters are best friends" but you are married 8 yrs.. how old are these children and are they both your biological children?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 March 2014):
 Wow!!
If you look it as a whole, it would seem your husband has orchestrated the entire thing.
He's in love with a married woman, marries you to take the heat off so he can still be friendly with her and her husband...now he's mananged to cool off with the husband so he can convieniently now spend time with her alone!!!
Nobody could even dream up this stuff.
If he loved her from the start but could never have her, you can bet your sweet behind that he is still in love with her to this day!
I think you were the fall back girl, you were the patsy!!
Think he would never do this to you? He already had an affair with a friend of yours...he has the potential to lie about many other things. I bet she's cordial to you...she might have to keep you on par because she could potentially be screwing your husband behind your back????
Should you accept this? Sure if you think you can put up with being second best for the sake of staying with a man who doesn't have the faintest idea how to be a husband OR a friend.
I feel for you, don't let him make a fool out of you!
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