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*aithfullyconfused
writes: My husband and I have been married for a little over two months - have been together two years -have a nine month old son together - and I have a three year old from a previous marriage. I never would have thought of this problem arising but it has so I need to know what to do or how to cope. We recently bought a new house with lots of room. We turned one room into a gameroom so naturally a couple of his friends who only come in on weekends began staying with us when they are in town. I've began feeling left out, alone, and yes, jealous because my husband has changed. One of the friends stay with us more often than any others and my husband has begun treating him like he should be treating me. He gets jealous when the friend goes to be with other friends, and even gets jealous if the friend talks to someone more. My husbands friend doesn't know this. He's made several comments about feeling depressed because his friend didn't stay at our house during his lunch break but he only makes them to me. This in turn makes me jealous because it should be me he feels that way about, and not to mention that I'm a jealous person and during our entire relationship he has never gotten jealous when it comes to me. Now he's jealous over another man? I see it all over his face and after three nights of tears no sleep and torture I laid it on him. He admitted he did get jealous when it came to his friend because he wanted all of his attention but he said it wasn't anything sexual or anything like that and that he is not attracted to men. But I see him follow this friend around and block everyone else out. He tries to go everywhere with him and I don't think the friend thinks anything of it. When he comes to our house, this friend, sleeps in an extra bed in our bedroom. The other morning I woke my husband up for work and went back into the kitchen after handing him his jeans. I expected him to get his shirt and socks and go get dressed in the bathroom. He didn't know I was coming so he was a bit started when I walked in and said "What the hell are you doing?" He was getting dressed, but he had a bright light on and was at the foot of the friends bed while the friend was facing him but asleep, and my husband was butt naked. He said he was just trying to get dressed and wasn't thinking about him even being in the room. But after seeing and hearing everything I've heard I wonder if he isn't attracted to men? I caught him about a year and a half ago with a magazine of mine stashed under our bathroom sink. It was a playgirl - he said he only looked at it to compare. He was in jail for four years a few years back and that makes me wonder too. He also tells me during intimate moments to play with his anus and actually asks me to insert my finger. This is not uncommon I don't think with "milking of the prostate" but with everything else it unfortunately fits. His favorite position is to be behind me with me bent over - again, not uncommon, but makes me wonder. If it's true what should I do and how can I find out for sure? Please help, this is my second marriage and I've vowed to try and make it last no matter what. But there are some things I'm not so sure I can deal with, like this. Is there any way to head this off at the pass or a way to find out if it's coincidence and my love for my husband makes me paranoid?
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reader, zarcha +, writes (17 April 2005):
Well this is a very strange situation from what you have said i think that perhaps you husband maybe bisexual especially in the way that he carries on about his male friends. I would suggest that you address the situation again & see if you can get the truth out of him. If this does not work then perhaps you need to go & get counsilling to put your marriage back on the right path. With this being your second marriage i am sure that you want it to work & do everything you can to prevent it from failing. Also being in prision for such a long time might have effected him in many different ways & whilst in there he could have got phsyically involved with a man which is something i am sure that you have thought of. You both need to look at the marriage before things start to get worse & you do not want that especially with children involved. I hope that your problem will be sorted out & that your marriage goes on happy for many more years to come.
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