A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Beem with my husband 23 years married 19. I have no confidence in myself and hate the way i look but try to make the most of myself. I have blonde hair that sits on my shoulders and im thinking of getting it cut shorter as i feel like a new look and i feel i need a change. He likes it as it is so im worried if i get it cut he wont like it and i will regret getting it done. He said hes not bothered what i do with it but i still worry about his opinion. I feel he will look at other women with long hair and he might think i might look manly if i get mine cut shorter. I always compare myself to other women and hever feel good enough for him because of my lack of confidence and hating how i look. I would say im nice looking but i dont stand out in a crowd and feel invisible sometimes. He doesnt worry how his hair looks which is going grey at the sides and i did ask him years ago for him to get highlights in it like he had before he met me but he didnt get them and said he would look silly at his age getting them and people would think he was vain. I worry how i look for him. So what should i do. Also i only wear skirts every now and then as i feel comfortable in pants and i feel he looks at women wearing skirts especially young girls as he looks at our sons girlfriend when shes around and looks her up and down and i really feel hurt and feel he wants a younger model as im 45 years old and hes 49. Hes 5 foot 6 got a stomach grey in his hair a crooked nose but he carries confidence in himself even thou he said he as none. So hes no brad pitt yet i feel im no good and not enough for him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): You worry too much for someone married for so many years.
It just looks like you want to make a drama.
You can't double think what your husband was or wasn't going to say.
Are you desperate to upset the applecart at home!
If you feel bad about yourself then join the gymn or go swimming or to art classes but don't pick on your old man for nothing.
He's entitled to have his own thoughts and feelings without you second guessing every motive behind every sneeze.
Book yourselves a holiday and have a second honeymoon.
You want to be a happy couple and not a pair of backbiters don't you?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 December 2015):
 he said it looks nice... why don't you trust him or believe him?
other than being on his phone and twitter what else makes you think he's cheating?
it seems to me that the issues are all in your head and you are looking for a reason to end the marriage... are you? do you want out?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): Im the lady who wrote the problem so i want to give you a update, i got my hair done, a short bob style which i like very much, he said it looks nice but i don't think he likes it so short but now i feel i dont care what he thinks as i feel better for getting it done for me and it makes me happy. On to another problem, when hes in bed and i'm in the bathroom he is on his phone. I hear him make a sound and its like he's seen something or read something that makes him happy. He says hes reading the news but i feel he is on to someone and he's denying it. I check his phone but he could of deleted whatever he was lookkng at before i check it. He says hes not on to anyone and says making stuff up will hurt him. It looks like he was on twitter 5 months ago yet he says hes not interested in that but it showed twitter and looks like he went on it then. So is he lying to me all along. When we saw our sons girlfriend my husband sounded like he was going to say to her, say hello to your mum. I didn't say anything at the time but why would he want to say that because hes only met her about 4 times in two years and she might think he likes her and now i dont know if deep down he might as you dont say that to another woman unless you really know her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2015):
Men will look at women until they are dead.
My 81 yr old father was ill and just a few weeks before he died was in the car with me and i watched him turn his head to watch a cute girl in a mini skirt and heels walk.. she was younger than my children. IT made me smile to realize he still had that in him His partner of 20 years also found it amusing. Of course she thinks she's the queen of the world.
It really is all about perceptions.
My husband has gained weight and is getting gray now and we are only married 3 years. I have gained weight... i went from wearing my hair the way he wants it to the way I like it. He is not happy. TOO bad.
I wear what I want when I want. IF he doesn't like it oh well... I'm entitled to be happy.
So are you. IF you want to cut your hair, cut it. IT will grow if YOU don't like it. IF you like it keep it short.
do you love his insides? if so then the wrapping does not matter.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (30 November 2015):
 The question is not whether you are good enough for him. The question is whether you are good enough for you. If you aren't happy with your looks then change something. A new hair-do is a good start. If you have it cut you can always grow it out if you don't like it.
The problem here is not how you look. It is how you feel about yourself. You and your husband have been together all those years and things get comfortable. A change of image, a change of wardrobe, and taking on a new hobby, class or pursuit can make a world of difference to your self esteem. It needn't cost the earth. For example making yourself useful at the local food bank is something you could feel proud about if you can spare a few hours.
Your husband might really appreciate the new you. Remember there is only one fixed law in life and that is that everything changes. Time for you to have a bit of a change too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2015): To me it sounds like you have more of a problem with how he looks, pointing out all the things that aren't so attractive, than him having a problem with the way you look.As for shorter hair I think that as women get older they suit it much better than long hair. Look at famous people like Sharon Stone or Halle Berry they look fab with short hair. I like wearing skirts and dresses because I have really short legs but I would never just wear things for my boyfriends approval and I like having my own style, not thinking what would he like best. Men like individuality and confidence.You haven't said anything about him telling you what to look like so I gather he's happy with how you are so don't worry. You've asked him to wear his hair certain ways and you are pointing out what's not so great about him. I agree with him, hi lights do look a bit silly.As for him looking at your son's girlfriend, I wouldn't be so happy about that, but are you sure he's actually doing that? You seem to be a bit worried about getting older and what you look like, do you think maybe you are a bit paranoid when she comes around as she is young and pretty?Age is just a number! 45 is nothing, there are so many women I know who are your age and I never think they are over the hill. As I get older I like people my own age and I'm sure men feel the same. Not everybody lusts after young girls, look at Nigella Lawson, how old is she and men love her! She's not a 20 something any more is she.I understand how you feel about being down about the way you look, I've felt that way so many times. But I think it's more of a problem with how you feel and nothing to do with your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2015): Trivia,trivia,trivia,laced with a strong brandy of self dislike.Instant remedies are to stop obsessing about things that don't count.Its not the only persona you can wear.I think you should go for a soft mahogany brown colour out of any cheapo store and get two packets if you are going to keep the hair long which I recommend as two shocks in one day will be too much for your hubby who has clearly got used to dear old many you.As for that look he gives the sons girlfriend..well he's secretly assessing to make sure your sons not being conned by a well dressed,well made up,postoperative lady boy because he knows you'll be moaning in about five years time about"where's the grandchildren!"I mean you can check her out yourself.You can measure those hips with a tape measure to see if they have childbearing capacity,you can inspect her teeth to see if their all natural or implants,you can smell her breath to see if she might be a future candidate for halitosis,feel her breasts to make sure their natural and sit her down with a cup of tea and a lengthy earbashing about the pains of childbirth.Better still you can show her the video and point out that you had long hair in them..Or..you can let the poor soul be and leave it up to her boyfriend to see if he likes her enough to tie the knot.Your hubby sounds on the level where looks are concerned,but if you are just plain bored with your appearance and want a dramatic shakeup then go a statement red.As you don't seem the ruthlessly dramatic type I wouldn't go super short immediately because its not an all or nothing experience.Hair can be cut off in titilating short amounts on a regular basis so that your hubby never knows what appearance he's coming home to each night.I suspect hubby seriously loves you and wouldn't care if you opened the door in men's pyjamas..but don't unless you are having a crazy neighbour war with your neighbours.If that's the case then get back to us here as I know ways to divert cats and dogs and neighbours.But not here,not now,not in this day and age.x
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