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female
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*ld woman in a shoe
writes: Hello all-Searching for input. Husband of 10 years has become increasingly distant from myself and children. I am one of those "married single parents". He has always had his own thing going on. Recently took a demanding job with a long commute. Where we live most jobs are a long commute and lots of husband drive to and from. He has rented an apartment near his job and stays there during the week. He goes out frequently while there. I am left at home tending 4 kids. He could find another job there is plenty of work in his field- If I fuss about thinking he's trying to leave me (albeit slowly and without friction) he says I am not even bothering to think on his stress with work and commute. I guess I am just wondering how much I should tolerate before I throw in the towel? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (30 September 2006):
 There are options here as long as you are both willing to put the effort into your marriage, he can either work closer to home or the family lives closer to work, you can't continue on like this if your unhappy with the situation you have to talk to him and make him see how you feel and how this is affecting the marriage and family.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): Wow - this sounds all too familiar. I am in the same boat - having the same argument with my husband. I have asked him to make an effort to be a more visable parent. He currently commutes 1.5 hours to work and we are being relocated - to what i thought was going to be a shorter commute. Now he seems to be interested in a position that would again require a longer cummute and i'm beginning to think that he enjoys being away from us. i've told him that our marriage is detiorating and i have even tried to give him options/ solutions to this problem - however he even has declined the option to simply write down a plan to spend more time at home. I am equally frustrated - and I am the one with one foot out the door - afterall - a divorce would actually force him to have the 4 children 50% of the time - so he would have to find the time. I'm not suggesting that you take this route but I DO feel your frustration. i think you will have to do what is best for YOUR situation - maybe that means you head to the apartment with the kids every chance you get- and then leave to "run errands". I wish i had the fix to this problem too! Good luck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 September 2006):
 I would definitely tell him you need more than just weekends. If he really can find work closer to home then he needs to change jobs. Maybe he would agree to have the family move closer to his current job. If he isn't willing to accommodate your wishes then he obviously wants out of the marriage. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (29 September 2006):
 You'll have to decide when enough is enough.
It sounds to me like he has already thrown in the towel.
A wise man once told me that he never heard of anyone saying on their death bed, "I wish I had spent more time working".
Your husband needs to decide which is more important to him, his job or his family.
Good luck.
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