A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Help!! I have just discovered that my husband of 30 years is into bestiality-porn!! I dont have a problem with him watching porn, which he has not lied to be about, but I have recently noticed that he has been downloading tons of disgusting images and movies.I dont know what to do, Do I approach him? I only found out quite by chance so I wasnt snooping in his stuff...I am totally lost. I dont know how long this has been going on for, but I do know that our sex life has been minimal - once a month since the begining of the year.Any suggestions?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): this is NOT normal. your husband has had to increase the hardcore level of pornography to get any stimulation. he is down a very dark road and needs serious help to recover.
if you love him, tell him you love him...tell him how his porn addiction is affecting you...tell him you want to help him...and then get him the help he needs. drastic times call for drastic measures.
remember...it is not about you. he has a problem and needs help.
best of luck.
A
female
reader, LucyLoos  +, writes (19 August 2010):
You husband is a porn addict. If he is using this sort of material, then he is already a way down this road. The lack of sex is quite normal for a serious porn addict, as normal sex no longer does it for them.
You need to approach him, let him know that you are aware of this and that he must stop immediately. Since it is bestiality porn, I personally think you should get the internet connection cut off or sabotage the computer - he may find it very difficult to stop without some serious help / counselling.
Please ignore any people posting here who infer to you that this sort of behaviour is in any way "normal". Bestiality porn is way past normal and indicates that he can no longer get his kicks from the "normal" porn that he was probably viewing earlier. After find out something like this, you may well need some help yourself as it must have been a terrible shock. Don't try to cope with this alone, if you feel it is getting too much.
I really hope things improve for you. If your husband can accept that he has a problem, there is hope.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Yes, it sounds like an addiction. He's looking at porn rather than working. And your sex life is suffering. If you can't get him to see there's a problem and get him some help, this can't go anywhere good. You need to get him some help, he can't break this habit/addiction on his own. I can recommend some books for you two to read as well. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies.
To answer some questions, we used to have an awesome sex life, now he uses the excuse that he has too much work to catch up on thats why he works in the evenings - but he spends his day watching porn, so its a vicious cycle.
I do have animals and I am now sick with the idea of what might be happening when I am away from the house.
And, yes, it is illegal here in South Africa.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 August 2010):
 It's illegal in most countries.. threaten him with the police and tell him if he doesn't remove it within a week, your going to show it to his mother, father, family, freinds and neighbours... Don't be shy, just go and tell him to get rid of it.
Usually this is due to curiosity, but he knows it's disgusting and if you demand it go, and then forget about it, it shouldn't cause problems in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (17 August 2010):
 It's illegal in some places to even have that sort of porn I believe, so it's a doubtful thing to comment on. I suppose it seems to indicate he's a little too much into porn for his own good. Generally there's no harm done as long as he's not trying to act on these desires, but its not the sort of desire one would call healthy in the first place.
What is it that you want to accomplish here? Does it disgust you? Does it make you want to re-evaluate the basis for being with? Or does it worry you from the point of view of your own sex life?
The advise will depend on that. For now I do think 'confrontation' would be counterproductive. What natmarie said makes sense, try to introduce it into conversation and see if he's open to talking about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): A further step down a dark and rocky road. " Secret pleasures"!!!!! Jeeeze, jaded sexual palate is what I call this. And being an animal lover too - this practice is just sick, and certainly not a pleasure. I personally wouldn't want to leave an animal in this mans company, as you couldn't be sure whether he'd try it out on some poor suspecting cat/dog/squirrel - whatever floats his sick boat. You haven't got animals, have you?
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A
male
reader, Mitch Man +, writes (17 August 2010):
You need to breathe in, breathe out, and relax.
Be thankful your man still gets excited. We all have secret pleasures, and who are you to judge.
Enjoy him. Do what you can to please him. Be creative.
-Mitch
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I think that he is just curious. You should ask him about it. Tell him that you saw this by accident and was wandering why he's watching it. You must talk to him.
Is there a reason to why you have sex only once a month? Aren't you in the mood, are you tired, is he tired? Work on that, on your sex life. Make it more exciting. Maybe that's why He is watching this, because he is looking for something different. He is just curious.
NightFairy
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 August 2010):
Bestiality porn is illegal due to the fact that the animal cannot consent. Generally if people start migrating towards this kind of illegal messed up porn like bestiality and child porn (migrating rather than having an innate desire right off the bat) it means the porn use has become a problem in that they've used it to such an extent that they are now desensitized to "normal" porn. The fact that your sex life is so sparse definitely points to a serious problem with the stuff. I would talk to him about how this is having a serious impact (less sex, more hardcore porn) and he needs cut back/get help.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Confront him, and ask him why he needs to watch that kind of stuff.. maybe he is just curious.... it doesn;t mean he is nuts. it might be just a passing phase. Most people that watch porn experiement with differnt types of porn at some point. Just say you came across it by mistake and wondered what was going oj.. OR bring it up in conversation saying ' what do you think of this kind of porn, that kind of porn etc' then he will know that you migt have seen it without you having to say it, and you can see his reaction too, and you may fnd that next time you look in that place it might be gone. !! Good luck. xxx
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