My husband is divorcing me

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My husband is divorcing me, doesn't want mediation or to explain why he's divorcing me specifically. He just says it's too late, I tell him he's not even trying! He's tried to commit suicide when we were having financial problems and they gave him bi-polar disorder meds. but he doesnt take them. We went to anger management classes together and he is supposed to be seeing a psychologist/counselor of sorts but won't do that either. He left CA to Mississippi early (we were supposed to move together in June). He wanted to be with his grandparents for the holidays and I would tie our loose ends here. I still have one semester of college here and I cleaned our apartment with my mom who I'm staying with for the time being, I can't afford rent on my own. Anyhow, new years eve I made an over the phone speech about a new start in MS etc., the next day he wanted a divorce without a doubt and sent the papers that week. Now I've signed the papers praying that he won't file them but he calls and ends up telling me that he won't change his mind although he's toying with both our futures all of a sudden and without much of an explanation. He says he isn't able to be happy no matter what, called me crying the other night saying hes lonely and discontent when he's the reason I'm lonely now! Together we were able to support eachother, he's already in debt now and was going to shut off our phones (that's his bill usually). I offered to pay it in full he said no then decided today that if I pay half we can keep them on for another month. I asked him what changed about our relationship and he says he isn't in love with me anymore even though he cares. He calls to cry to me about what I think he's causing then when I cried he didn't want to talk. He says he doesn't want me to expect anything even though I tell him my true feelings about all of this. Also, he was great at acting happy then because I have media to prove us smiling and laughing, etc. I sent him money for the phones today and he said he will talk with me tomorrow, he's drinking with his guy friends tonight. He's okay with the fact that I still want to move out there when at first he freaked out about it, that I wasn't giving up but he knows Ive been wanting out of CA for some time now and I guess excepts that. He wasn't even okay with talking the first time after he proposed divorce except he had called to tell me about his new car (one he knows I've wanted for sometime now) and to brag about how he's getting fit now reguardless of his bad back (which I used to massge every night). He is now telling me he wants to talk regularly, but that he will disconnect my phone line next month. I don't even know what that means- if he is planning on never speaking to me again after such, and he's the one who has been keeping contact now that I have tried to give him his space. I gave my promise that day we got married that he's the one for me for life. I committed to that and truly saw such promise of our improvements and a new life away from California (where we didn't have much support, in Mississippi his family has always supported our marriage). We would both be doing better financially if together (which he says he cares so much about), and he talks with me as if we are still together minus any "love" talk or about the past, so as if we are suddenly friends and it hasn't even been a month since he told me he wants the divorce. I can't move on that fast and esspecially without knowing why he doesn't want to try anything to save it. I would do almost anything to win him back, I can't even continue to prove my own advancement (like I was beginning to before he left) we both used to bring up past arguments in every new argument- and we would be dirty, low-blows. I never realized how serious it was until now but even around my family whom still do that, I have more control and it has been this way before he left. If he's in another state and won't give me the chance to prove myself it makes me wonder how he can say he loved me, cares about me, and still calls me for support?! We never had a wedding or honeymoon so a chance to be re-married the right way to him thrills me! But him saying it can't be fixed makes me so depressed and confused. Practically everyone on the base where we were stationed in the military knew us and knew how inseperable we were through the awesome, the bad, and the ugly! We eventually got support from the oddest of characters because of how much we stood by eachother! (we actually even had got married in a way/time where we couldve been greatly penalized for it but loved eachother so much it didn't matter). I accepted when he told me he thought be had a kid back home (which he never got the DNA test for but was upset at the mother for tagging him for child support....so far she stopped and it probably isn't his son after all.) basically, we've been through a lot of turmoil in such a short amount of time but it was rarely over anything

View related questions: debt, depressed, divorce, mental problems, military, money, move on, wedding

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