A
female
age
41-50,
*ishelle1
writes:i need help i've been married since may 2008, but we have been together for 5 1/2 years we have a daughter together who is 2yrs almost 3. My husband has been cheating on me for the past 5 months, well the girl hes with is 21yrs and he is 34yrs. well i did speak to the girl and she told me she thought he was not with me anymore because thats what he told her after i spoke with her she told me she was not goint back to that and now he moved out in Dec2008 and lives with his mother. however he stay with this girlfriend of his because hes never at his mother house on his days off or even after work however his mother covers up for him all the time he calls his daughter everyday and speaks to her but he never gave me an explanation to anything!i'm so hurt down everyone tells me he will regret it but its been 1 month hes been gone and i don't feel like hes regreting anything hes with this girl and i don't know what his next plan is: whether hes gonna get an apartment with this person i don't know. We do speak on the phone but never about us about his daughter and work thats all. and i feel day by day its getting worse i see more things hear more things people see him on the streets with this other person and here i am at home and i'm his wife he just seems like he does not care about anything or anyone i should hate him but i don't i still love this man and its hard please help!!! Do u think it will work out between him and her do u think its lust a sex thing or could he really love her..
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): I am sorry to say...without truth, trust, fidelity, and love there is no marriage. Marriage is for two people who bind themselves to each other, excluding all others, for the rest of their lives. Your husband has forgotten that and you have too. This is why you are clinging desperately to this cheater.
We can't tell you if this is simply 'lust' or a 'long term' thing between them, dear. But we can tell you, you're husband is not a good man of upstanding character, is he? I just can't help but think, there is a such a slimey, creepy, loathsome quality, about a person when they break the vow of fidelity while holding to the convenience of the marriage and family. All that has happened yo you is sleezy, dishonest and wrong.
While I can't see what is so worthy and lovable about this guy, you obviously love him and want him back. And what will happen if he comes back? Wouldn't it be hard to live in this marriage while always watching your back? Why assign a life sentence to yourself that way? You really deserve to be treated better. So, if he's doing this to you and has left the marriage home to pursue another woman, he's just not a lovable, good quality guy...right? The trust and respect are gone. Why don't you do the most respectful, honest thing for yourself, get into counseling to find out why your self-respect is so low, you could even love this fellow, and then go see a lawyer. End this marriage. Divorce may not be a pleasant thing under those circumstances, but at least it is the most honest thing.
Make darned sure he is financially responsible for this child. And you need to get some help...build your life, build your confidence and learn to be the most amazing role model for your daughter. Show her how strong Mommy can be...make a good life for you and her. And someday when you get over this man, you're ship will sail in and you will find a wonderful man..but you need to work on yourself to get there. Good Luck and hugs to you and your daughter.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): It won't work out. Highly unlikely. Give them 2-3 months top.But, you should seriously consider moving on.There are plenty of men who would love to spend their time with both you and your child.If this is what he wants to spend his time doing,rather then being a real man and taking care of his family and responsibilities,then maybe it is better he find his place else where. He is not the best role model for his children.But, if he is a good father then keep him as a friend.I know this is not the best answer you want to read but,whatever happens, i wish you happiness and most of all,I hope he will regret his actions of leaving and cheating on you and your children."What Goes Around, Goes Around, Must Come All The Way Back Around."
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