A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 18 years, and dated this same man for almost 10 years. He has always been a player and I have always been played somehow. He can control me, manipulate me, and belittle me. At the same time, he can sweet talk me, great in bed, and very generous with gifts and words. We have 2 beautiful boys (12, 16) and I can't imagine getting a divorce for this reason. We hve sepetaed before because I found a hotel receipt eight years ago. He is acting suspicious again by calling a cell phone number for a second the day that he took a long trip, and receiving a phone call under "Withheld" for 30 minutes. Seems like he wants a loving wife and conquer another woman until he gets her. I'm not eating or sleeping. Any sound advise?
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I agree with the previous answerer about investigating and evidence. You can go to the "whitepages.com" and do a reverse phone number lookup. If you can afford a PI, do it. Phone the number and see if a female answers.
I also take back some of my advice after reading "Simply finding out her name and confronting your husband probably won't do any good because he will be ready with an excuse. Also I wouldn't tell her if you call, becasue then she can tip off your husband, and give him more time to prepare an answer."Because it makes sense.
Also you can get his Credit Card number and open an online account with a password so that you can track where he goes and what he spends money on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): Children are smarter than you think. I wouldn't stay in a marriage simply because of children, they know when their parents are not happy, and they will see what it does to you. Im not saying make any rash decisions, but I would do some investigating and have evidence. Simply finding out her name and confronting your husband probably won't do any good because he will be ready with an excuse. Also I wouldn't tell her if you call, becasue then she can tip off your husband, and give him more time to prepare an answer. Just my thoughts. If he is a guy who knows he can manipulate you and buy you off, then he's not worth it. You deserve better, just be smart in your investigation.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (23 July 2008):
I am a little sneaky-agressive when it comes to things like this.
If it were me, I would get the phone number, then find a payphone somewhere and call the number to see who it is. I then would say " hi Sandy, how are you?" Then she would say " you have the wrong number" I would then say " come on, don't play around Sis! ha ha !" Then she would say, "really, I am not Sandy!" I would say " then who is it?" Find out her name. Then let her know who's wife you are.
Yes I am a nut, and a lot of people would not agree with the way I would handle it. But, you would find out the truth.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 you say you dont want to get a divorce because of your kids. would you rather them stay in a home where their mother is unhappy and cant trust her husband - and their father is playing away? do you not think it would be better for them to grow up in a happy household? they are kids but children know when something is up so im sure they are not in the dark.
second of all - its up to you whether or not you can stay with this man. if i was you, i would pick up and leave. he treats you this way because you have made it ok for him to - and because of this he's not going to change. once is enough.
i think that in order to be happy with your life, you should leave him and give yourself a second chance at real love.
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