A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been reading the QandA's on porn because i am trying to understand how to deal with this issue. My problem with my husband watching it has nothing to do with the sex part. It's my body. I am not over weight but do have the typical c-section hanging skin and not so perky breasts from 2 pregnancies and do not have the money to fix these problems. On most of the questions the typical response is "watch it together". How do i sit there and watch him watch those perfect women and still have self esteem and feel sexy enough for sex. Men say they don't compare but i think that is total bullshit. So when everyone says watch it together do they just mean the beautiful people? My husband is a very good man and i hate for this to be an issue but i can't find a way to get over being compared. And just for the record porn is NOT fantasy, they are real people doing the real thing. Fantasy is something that doesn't exist. So the "its just fantasy" excuse doesn't fly with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Porn is a big deal - read Naomi Wolf's cover story "the porn myth" - make your man read it too, then get rid of the porn. You feel how you feel and of course you don't feel hot knowing your man is copping off to other women. It is because of this over indulgence with porn that men start to not want to make love to their partners - you've only got to read all the comments on here to see that this is backed up - so whoever tells you it's just fantasy, all men do it, blah blah blah, are really not clued up on this at all. You have to read the facts on both sides before coming to conclusions. I have watched porn with my man for research purposes (I couldn't really offer opinions until I had done this); I believe we should not be complacent here. Porn and the 24 hour onset of it via the medium of the internet is dangerous and damaging to relationships. And, if the man does need porn, then he is seriously jaded or has indeed, supersized himself on so much rubbish already that it will ultimately effect his relationship with you.
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Hey
I do think porn is not a big deal .. but I understand the way you feel. I feel this way when my man goes for his friends Bachelore party - I am going nuts .. and you probably feel the same way about porn movies.
I am sure your man loves you the way you are and he is happy to be w you lady!
I was always very heavy (around 220 pounds/ 5'6 ) ... I started working on myself(not for guys,but for myself ... cause I didnt feel good . cause I thought everyone is better looking and i wanted to be one of those lucky people, cause I was always very unhappy w the way I looked. I got myself (by eating healthy and working out every day) on 142pounds and I feel great.My Boyfriends friends tell my BF he has the hottest GF. And that makes me feel so special .. so great about myself ...
And its not about the weight really, its about feeling beautiufl and healthy and sexier.
Maybe you should start doing something for yourself cause I am sure your life is only around your kids and husband .. but you need some time for yourself too, cause no one else will do that for you... go the the gym, or do S-Factor pole dancing classes (you will love it its seriouly amazing), buy yourself a "lab-dance" dvd .. and than go and shock your man - but in a good way. You will feel sooooo sexy and so much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU - FORGET THE FAKE TITS IN PORN MOVIES ... ITS JUST AN EYE CANDY NOT MORE THAN THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY YOU ARE the problem is .. that you dont see it ... so you have to work on feeling better about yourself .. and than you will be much happier w everything that goes around you
And about the porn ... why dont you maybe get some amatuer movies ... there are not perfect women in those movies .. those are real people .. so you dont have to be affraid of watching some fake,blonde, superskinny,no strechmark horny looking bitch ... but a real woman !!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK TO YOU I HOPE ALL WILL END UP FOR YOUR HAPPINESS
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (25 January 2008):
 hunny, I know its hard to believe this but porn IS fantasy. these are actors being paid to do this for our entertainment. some of them go home to their own husbands and boyfiends. when you see two people kissing in a regular movie its just the same thing...they are acting, and its not real. that kiss means nothing. what is hard for you to accept is that two people can have sex for others to look at and be entertained by it. because you are not entertained you dont understand it. i watch porn and i think its harmless fun, as long as there isnt anything extrme involved like rape i like it...thats when it gets too real for me. if you ever had a one night stand its the same as porn only there isnt a camera involved....a stranger you meet and have sex with. thats the way i see it.
of course the sex is real..but its still fantasy. but not all porn invovles strangers, but real couples that film their sex, called amatuer porn. if you have a problem with actors then just watch amatuer porn between reglar couples. theres porn for every taste, if you look for it.
and another thing....dont feel bad about your body hun. you as you are, and your husband should love you that way. when you see bodybuilders and hot actors on tv do you unfairly compare them to him? if you do, you keep that private, if he does he should do that too. if your husband is with you it is because he loves you stratchmarks and everything. im not perfect either, and i have my flaws, but my boyfrind always compliments me and thinks i am hot. thats all i need, and I am happy.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (25 January 2008):
 Sweetie. YOU may think you don't look all that great, but I'm sure your husband thinks you look terrific.
I just gave birth to my first daughter and after I had her i thought i looked like sh*t. I had stretch makrs all over the place saggy breasts, the whole nine yards. I didnt want to have sex at all be cause i tought my self horrid and tohught my husband wouldnt love me the same. I was wrong. My husband loves me MORe now be cause i have what he calls "the battle scars of giving him the other of his two most precious things in the world"
I belive your husband is the same way. I dont belive you are being compared Men just watch porn . My husband says he doesnt know why he watches porn he just does. I'm sure your husband thinks you are MORE beautiful than those porn women.
When people tell you watch it together, they dont mean to watch the people. I think it means to watch the parts in action. I watched porn a couple of times with my husband and it is actually arousing.
By the way, Porn is where most men get their ideas and tricks for in the bedroom. So it cant be all bad. ;)
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