A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i need some constructive advice and abit of psychological insight. what do you do when your partner is a compulsive liar? I am married with a young child, me and my hubby have been together for 3years. Ever since i met him he has lied to me, most of which are little white lies. when i met him he lied about his job, he just lies to my face about things.One of his so called friends john keeps trying to split us up, john has told me that my hubby is cheating on me with numerous people, with hubby's ex, with johns ex, with random girls. This has been going on since i met hubby. i blocked john on facebook, but john just uses someone elses account to send me messages. John has said horrible things to me like "i wish things could go back to the way things were when he was with [hubby's ex] things were cool back then and i think they made a nice couple" fair enough you may think, but iv had issues with hubby still being friends with john. This was making me so depressed as you can imagine, so i said to hubby about 2 and half years ago, its either me or john, hubby chose me obviously, but recently iv found out that hubby is still talking to him. why would you be friends with someone who is actively trying to split your marriage up? wouldnt you dislike them?Also i did find out hubby was texting this girl and his ex, with a secret phone, when i confronted him he denied it, he said it was a old phone even though it had a call log from the day before. i logged into his old msn when we first met and he had 100s of messages from dating websites, he said he had been hacked and someone else has done it, yeah right like id believe that, he even went as far as to say he's reported it to the police and if i didnt believe him he'd take me to the police station and show me. I didnt go because i didnt want to embarrass myself, i just kept telling myself he didnt meet anyone from online. Iv had this woman email me on facebook and tell me she was going out with him when he first met me, they never met but like online thing, she said when it said he was in a relationship with me, he told her that i had asked him to put his relationship status like that to make an ex jealous!! He told me im the only person he's asked to marry, he didnt want to get married before he met me, though i found out he was engaged to his ex! He's slagged me off to his best friend, making up lies to him to make me look bad, his best mate believes him obviously and slagged me off, when i read the messages, i flipped and told his mate to stay out my life. hubby gave me an sti when we first met, he said it was from his ex, we took antibiotics and when i had another test it came back positive again, he never told me he had threw up the medication, well so he said when i got the results back. there is so many more examples! I now how easily he lies, he's lied to his grandmother, sister, mother and others before right infront of me. why does he lie so much, even when i confront him with evidence, when he knows iv found out he lies. does he actually love me? if he can lie so easily how can i trust him? i want to believe he'll change and stop lying. when i confronted him he says he lies to protect me, we talked and he said "so you'd rather me tell you the truth and you get hurt rather then find out and hurt you by lying" i was like, well yeah! but He's still lying, like with the john thing. why does he lie? i believe he loves me i just dont understand!Just for the record, our baby was planned, i got pregnant when we had been together 9/10months, we got married the end of last year. we didnt get married because of the baby, he asked me to marry him 6months into our relationship on new years eve 2008
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best friend, depressed, engaged, facebook, grandmother, his ex, jealous, liar, msn, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kaykay1989 +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I would like to start by saying this has got to be heartbreaking for you. I think you really need to have this out with him because this can't go on. You have caught him out on countless occasions but after you confronted him you just accepted more lies even though you knew he was lying. You need to have this out and tell him you know he's lying and what you know he's lying about and not accept more lies as an excuse or a reason. Find out why he feels the need to and if he can't be honest then you really have to consider whether you want to be in a relationship based on a lie.I'm not saying throw away 3 years of marriage but i am saying he needs to speak to a counsellor or someone that can help. You both have a child and the last thing this child needs is parents arguing or disagreeing all the time. I would also suggest you find out why he has got in contact with this friend John and maybe John has been telling you some truth if you've found proof of dating site and text messages.
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