A
female
age
41-50,
*elks
writes:before me and my husband got married we bought a flat which has very thin walls so i can even hear my neighbour snorring. when we moved in we argued a lot and obviously our neighbour could hear us. it was disturbing her so she started banging on the walls as we were arguing and that pissed me off. but one day i decided to go downstairs and talk to her. after a few minutes of normal tone talking, as i was talking, she slamed the door in my face. that made me so angry and i started shouting all horrible names. since then i havent even seen her but my husband did and he would say hello even though this woman totally disrespected me. so today the door bell rangs and its her. my husband answers the door and she askes him to help her,she locked herself out. as she was still standing at door i came in the hollway but she didnt even say hi. but my huband all happily quickly puts his shoes on and storms out to help her. that really upset me and we had an argument. all this time i have been saying how horrible she is and he kept saying, what a bitch and yet again when she came today he put a smile on his face and went to help her. i was trying to explain to him how much that woman disrespected me and how as my husband he should've be on my side and made sure that she knows that she cant be disrespectfull to his wife and than casualy come and ask for help. he shuld have been a man and for me he wasnt. if it was other way around and a man slammed a door in his face or disrespected him in any way and he was really upset about it and i kept agreeing with him but then storm off with a smile whenever that man needed help i wonder how would he feel about it?
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female
reader, Aunt Susan  +, writes (24 August 2010):
I have a similar situation: I make "noise" because I'm a musician who practices at home in the daytime. My right-hand neighbor stopped speaking to me after some episodes of wall-banging and a couple of talks; which is fine with me. And my husband doesn't say anything to her. However, the neighbor on the other side (who happens to be a musician himself) has stopped saying hello to me when I greet him. Once again, this would be fine with me, except he did it right in front of my husband and my husband continues to interact with him as if I hadn't been disrespected.
Of course, I can handle my own battles and of course my husband can have friends I don't like, but the point is, I don't live alone--I'm married. By not changing his relationship with the neighbor in any way, he's basically telling the guy it's OK to ignore his wife.
Additionally, we've had similar incidents in the past where it seems it's more important to my husband to "keep the peace" than take my side. It makes me wonder why the friend/neighbor/relative's feelings seem more important to him than mine.
A
female
reader, zelks +, writes (22 February 2009):
zelks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u so much for replying. u have really helped me. i will obviously never be best friends with my neighbour and trust me when i say that she is a bitter woman but yes i should just forget about it. when i see her i will say hi and if she doesnt say hi back then her loss. it is sad though. one would think since she is completely alone in her flat and no one visits her that she would want some friends in her life. i have made up with my husband and hoping for a day when we will have our own house, no one upstairs no one downstairs. ;-)
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (21 February 2009):
 Is this a question or a rant?? From the top; I have some sympathy with your neighbour, obviously it is nobodies fault that the walls are thin, something that you should perhaps discuss with her trying to jointly rectify but I can sympathise with her frustration at being disturbed.
Having said all that she obviously shouldnt have slammed the door in your face and I agree that was rude (though the content of what you said is absent and given your depth of feeling here I cant help wondering if you were entirely reasonable). However, in doing so she made a bad situation worse and so she has to take at least some of the blame for that though once again you shouting names at her will hardly have helped.
I suspect your husband was agreeing with you to humour you which maybe he shouldnt have done but i get the distinct impression neither you nor your neighbour are guiltless in this altercation and your husband probably recognises that; being your husband doesnt mean he is your uncritical ally at least it shouldnt to my mind. He's still going to be his own man and shockingly might want to distance yourself when your not being entirely reasonable as I dont think your being here towards her or him. I think your husband is showing the way....time to put this behind you and try and build new bridges with your neighbour
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): I think maybe you are overreacting a little here. Your husband should be on your side, I agree, but what could he do? Go over there and tell her off for having a fight with you? That sounds like extra drama for nothing. You are an adult and can fight your own battles. Your husband doesn't need to defend you and I don't think he is less of a man for not getting involved. It sounds like a minor neighbourly dispute, not a very serious thing in which your life was threatened etc. I think instead of getting angry at them both, try to be polite and act like nothing has happened. And remember, it's okay for your husband to get on with people that you don't, or vice versa.
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