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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been married for 10 years, no kids. We have never had great communication (i.e. talking things out). Money fights have always been a problem with us. I want to save and have nice things and do things, upgrades around the house etc. He buys what he wants when he wants. He is gone from home a lot, either for work, fishing or hunting, etc. We used to do some of the same things (what he liked to do). Not much of things i liked to do. He is the type of person that cannot have 1 drink socially. He gets plowed, stumbling drunk, and received a DWI recently. He's embarrassed me over the years many many times because of his drinking. He's made some bad financial choices over the last few years. I'm tired of being crabby and worrying all the time about money and how to get ahead. I tell him we need to save, he doesn't listen. He hates cigarettes and I recently lost his trust on that because he caught me smoking and had a FIT!!! I've sat down with him and told him I was unhappy and tired of it all and things needed to change. I also told him I talked to a divorce lawyer.He has racked up much credit card debt, when I ask him on what, he doesn't know. I finally had it and left after his last drinking episode and the fact the cc was paid (for the 2nd time) and amazingly there was $1500 on it within 30 days. Now he wants me back, saying he can change and is willing to do what needs to be done. Ive met someone else, we connect on many levels and I realize what a good relationship can be like. He hasn't changed or listened to me any other time when I told him what the problem is. I've told him I don't have the same feelings for him anymore because of all that's happened and that our priorities in life changed. What am I to do?
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male
reader, bobsevers +, writes (3 March 2006):
The pursuit of happiness is so vital in your life. But you are having an affair, so I would suspend that first and then give the husband a chance. But your husband must know, if he reverts to his selfish ways then that's it! Take care
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006): You know what? Usually I would say, screw your husband and go for the other guy - I mean not sex, as in... Well, you know what I mean. However, I'll give your husband and your relation with him the benefit of the doubt (which more often than not doesn't work), and say, "Give your relationship with him a chance. 10 years is a long time - through thick and thin."There must be something you're holding onto aside from obligation. What made you attracted to him before marriage? What made you say yes when he proposed? I know he suck monkey butts, but yeah maybe you give him the last and final chance. If he doesn't change positively in the next two or three months, you know what to do. Actually I re-read your last few sentences, and ultimately, I can't back my own words above up. Yeah, dump your hubby and go for the great guy! ;-]
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