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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband has told me that he no longer finds my body attractive since having our babies. Its not a weight issue or anything but about scars and sagging that the dr said cant be changed except with cosmetic surgery. I try everything I can to look nice , dressing it pretty clothes and makeup but he says I just dont look like the models he likes to look at and that I looked much closer to that before kids. Help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (12 October 2006):
 I suggest that you get yourself and your husband to relationship therapy. What I am going to say is going to cause ructions on here but can I express another viewpoint....one that I DO NOT necassarily agree with! BUT WHY are we penalising this guy because he has been honest? I think this needs to be discussed in more depth with your husband. I think that maybe he has not had the chance to express how he feels properly and this may not be the best place for you and him to seek advice. What will happen here is everyone will read this and say 'oh, what a git' when maybe he just has not expressed himslf clearly or appropriately, and that he loves you, he just has difficulty seeing you in a sexual light now you are a mother. Why is this wrong to vocalise? He may need help as well as you in order to come to terms with the changes in your status, form lovers to parents.
Consider some relationship counselling to help your marriage move on to the next level.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (12 October 2006):
 Well...some men are asses...they are selfish little babies...its best to discover this before you marry them...and way before you have a baby....cause now you have two children to raise. (and I went thru it with my husband...who I love dearly...but who spent 3 years begging for us to have a baby...then found me unattractive afterwards) There are tons of books on the Mother/Madonna...vs. sexual woman thing men must deal with. It is not a lost cause....but yours is not just pointing out that he is not attracted to YOU...He's whining that he IS attracted to fake girls....which no matter how pretty you were....you did not have a computer enhancing program...and never did look like that.
Do you realise that models and even bodybuilders fast and give themselves enemas the day of the shoot...to get rid of excess...and look more cut. THEN they have full body makeup...and after that the airbrush artist completes the look of perfection...and then sometimes the computer still has to enhance them...they change eye color..skin tone...how white the teeth are and on and on. That is what you see in the magazines. Have you ever noticed how horrible your favorite film star looks if you happen to catch them off guard...there are photographers who do nothing but this. Half the time the famous people can walk right though an airport...cause nobody would believe that that was them....Ewwww....Her face never looks that old on camera. That can't be her!
princessBabies...don't like the way their women change during pregnancy....but they got them pregnant. Idiots.
Men cherish each stretch mark as a sign that a woman loved them enough to give birth to their offspring.
Every time he complains that you don't look like a model any more you know the cost of beauty...sometimes it attracts the most self centered mamma's boys on the planet.
First...I want you to know...not to hurt you but for your own info that Many Many men have affairs while their wives are preggo or new mom's. Because They are not the center of attention anymore. They are jealous of the Baby.....and scared and in the middle of all the going to be a parent stuff. So they go find something that is free and footloose....to help themselves feel free again. It is about the meanest thing you can do to a woman....but they don't get that.
Then to cover their stupidity...they complain that its ALL YOUR FAULT cause you are not perfect anymore. They tell you how unattractive you are...and whine that A fake air brush girl is prettier than you.
My response would be....Fine...I will get every flaw fixed...and you can pay for it...because you caused it. Then Don't ever touch me again...because I would not want to take the chance of repeating this imperfection.
If you change your mind and decide you actually Love me...let me know. Til then...I did not realise what a mistake i have made...and if we divorce while the baby is young...it won't traumatise him so...so make up your mind...do you want a family....or your little boy ego trip? And by the way...If I am a trophy wife...you better get a lot wealthier....we are very expensive to maintain.
Oh and If he's vain about his hair....Look at him funny and pretend like hes got a bald spot developing. Wow honey....is your hair thinning back there? Why yes...I think it is. Eww...your loosing hair on top of your head...but I think its falling into your ears...and YOUR NOSE. It may take a while but eventually he will get it that...EVERYBODY has flaws...even him. Until then...go to the store...buy fashion magazines and every time he even mentions sex...hand him a magazine and point to the bathroom. There are only two times that I will advise a woman to use sex as a weapon...this is one. Do not let him fall into the mode of Granting you the privilege of pleasuring his penis...while his eyes are screwed closed and he's dreaming of the chick on the cover of that one magazine....fantasy is fine. But once he makes you feel bad...then fantasy has fallen out of his mouth and become reality for you. Feed it right back to him.
This sound horrible...but if he is really as shallow as he's pretending to be right now...you cant fix him...you can't make him get love or love you. You have made a terrible error...and before you have 3 kids and he becomes a chronic cheater...if he does not get himself straightened up in a few weeks...Leave. And think long and hard before having another child with this man...he's not mature enough or smart enough to understand and if he takes you for granted...that's exactly what he will do to your children.
Now you are prepared for battle. He's probably fine...and will get over it soon...and realise what a jerk he's been....and I love my Louis Vuitton purse...that proved to me even though he thought breast feeding was kinda icky...he still appreciated that there was nobody in the world he cherished more. (no he did not buy my forgiveness..he made a grand gesture that took effort planing and sacrifice) Once he GETS what a jerk he's been and makes some grand gesture (it does not matter what the cost..it must involve effort, planning and sacrifice..filling a bedroom with handpicked wildflowers is a grand gesture)...for give him immediately...do not dwell on his mistake...or pout for the next twenty years.
I hope you have the outcome you desire. But do not fall into the trap of feeling unattractive...there are 20 men around the corner who would happily take his place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): You husband sounds very very shallow, and narrow minded. You should demand respect from him, not be living for his "fantasies". Work on your own self respect too.DO let him know that that offends you and tell him that you are his wife and you had to have his kids because he was part of that decision. Tell him its not ok to judge you based on your image, if he really loved you for love.
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A
female
reader, xxkerryxx +, writes (12 October 2006):
hi i sympothise with you here, after i had my babies my body has changed and i worry but my dear husband says that it doesnt matter. Your husband may like to look at models and fantisize but thats just it a fantasy. If you want to change for you then thats fine but your husband should love you for who you are afterall your body has chaged due to you having his children.
You need to let him know that it is upsetting you with the hurtful things he says otherwise he'll keep saying them
And lets face it these models pay alot of money to look like that
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