A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am pissed my husband has had 4 good paying jobs with in the last year. He always ends up quitting because he is upset about something. He always finds drama at his jobs and he always finds something to complain about.He never takes my advice when I tell him to not tell his coworkers his personal business. It always turns around on him and he always ends up pissed that they turned their backs on him. His last job he quit because he did not want to sign a write up. His write up was because he did not tell his job he was sick from covid and he came in to work exposing others. He refused to sign the paper and quit within a few days and was upset that his leave would be unpaid for covid. I told him to at least stick the job out until he can find something else. I am pregnant with my first child. He has a son already. I am completely turned off by him now. And I am noticing that he does look sad and depressed often but I lost my feeling with his inability to want care and support his family. I make a enough financially to support my self but I don’t want to care for him. Yes we are married but his lack of wanting to try and depend on others is tire some. Am I wrong for feeling this way? And not caring to support him. His parents are well off and he is beyond spoiled. He has not learned to be a real man because of the way his mother babies him. Yes.... I know I made a big mistake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2022): I'll suppose you both married young; assuming you're both in your mid to late 20's. He's still in the teenage-mindset that if the job sucks, just quit!
He forgets he has to pay rent (or a mortgage), has another kid on the way, already has one on child-support payments, and other bills to pay. He's thinking you'll pickup the slack; while he collects unemployment comp. You can't collect if you quit!!! A static or irregular income leads to financial hardship, poor credit, and economic instability; which could lead you to homelessness. He probably thinks his parents will bail him out; or he'll ditch the family, and just go home. Hoping you'll give-up and divorce him; so breaking-up the family is your fault, not his. Some guys who are behind on their child-support skip around from job to job; to avoid making their support payments, and to frustrate their baby's mamas.
This is typical spoiled-child/mama's-boy behavior; because they don't think outside their own personal hemisphere. It's frat-boy stupidity that he never outgrew; and his mother is obviously an enabler.
This calls for an ultimatum. I think you should insist on marriage counseling; and if he doesn't comply, consider consulting with a divorce attorney. There's nothing worse than when someone is hardheaded and reckless at the same time. It's always somebody's fault, never theirs!
I mean, seriously?!! Like he can just walk-off the job without creating a domino-effect on his family. You won't have a place to stay; if you can't pay your rent or mortgage! You can't pay car insurance, or for car-repairs. He can't pay his child-support, you can't afford to pay your property taxes, you can't pay doctor's bills, co-pays, deductibles, utilities, for phone/computer services; or put groceries on the shelf. That all depends on having the money that comes from being gainfully-employed. You say he's already a dad, and has one on the way. I think he's checking-out on all of it!!! Let's assume it has something to do with depression. Then why doesn't he seek therapy, while he has a steady job and health insurance? If you have health insurance, I guess you should insist he gets a mental-health evaluation on your tab!
He's arrogant, and feels the job has to suit him; but it's the other-way around. He has to suit the people who sign his paychecks!!!
A husband who never listens, keeps the household in constant turmoil, already has a kid from another mother; and yet still doesn't have his act together, is just a divorce waiting to happen.
It's just me, but I suspect his mother may also be undermining your marriage, while hiding in the shadows; if she babys and coddles him when he has his little tantrums, and quits his jobs. You didn't mention how you and your mother-in-law get along. If she doesn't like you, or doesn't approve of your marriage; he's not acting alone. He probably has a plan. Ditch you and the kids; and just go home to mommy, and forget about all this. That's where this situation seems to be heading. He wants to be taken care-of, not be responsible for supporting a family. Seems his kids are merely incidentals, a by-product of sex; and not his motivation to work hard and steady. Otherwise, he'd be breaking his back to see that they have everything they need! Even if he had to work at a job he despises; as we have all been forced to do, at one time or another.
You may have no choice, but to go home to your own mother; if you can't pay all the bills by yourself. If he doesn't realize the major financial-impact he has on the household from quitting for frivolous reasons; the truth is, he doesn't really care. Maybe he hopes you'll get frustrated, and so financially-insecure, you'll voluntarily leave him. He probably feels just as irresponsible and uncommitted towards marriage as he does about working!
Companies may have a little bit of an employee shortage at the moment; but all his sporadic employment-history goes on his employment record. He's unreliable, erratic, and possibly mentally-unstable. He doesn't seem to have a resolute work-ethic. It looks terrible on a resume to have quit so many jobs in such a short time. I wouldn't rule-out a mental-health issue here. He must have been one of those overprivileged kids that mommy and daddy continuously told him he's wonderful and perfect. He can do, or be, anything he wants! The world is his oyster! He deserves the best of everything; just for being their beloved little-boy! He's smart and beautiful, and deserving of whatever he desires! Just because he was born with their DNA!
In summation he's a brat, a bum, and possibly needs to see a shrink. He wasn't ready to be a husband or father; not when he quits a job at the drop of a hat!
" Yes.... I know I made a big mistake."
No, you've been through enough; I won't kick you while you're down, my dear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2022): As a person who has employed a lot of people over many years this does not make sense to me. It is very hard to get a well paid job, but once you have it anything which happens or goes wrong will be recorded and will be mentioned in your reference. I can understand someone might be lucky and escape this catching up with them the first time, but if someone came to me saying they have already had three well paid jobs in a year or less I would not consider them. The fact they had so many in such a short space of time would tell me not to bother.The references would confirm.
I also fail to see how a man child or very immature self absorbed man with no smarts would be able to get one good job let alone four.
Perhaps your idea of a well paid job is different to mine.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2022): Your husband has difficulty associating with others. He can never settle in a job that demands teamwork. It is not that he has been spoiled by his parents or anything of the sort. He has a mental issue. As Honeypie mensioned he is a man child. Taking these limitations into consideration he should be in a job that does not require teamwork or if can work from home. Usually these type of people do well working with animals. See if he is interested in a hobby then look for a job along those lines. Can you make him see a psychiatrist? I hope you can find a cure for his problem. I am sure deep down he is hurting too.
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (21 January 2022):
 He needs to get a grip, a reality check, and he needs to man up and realise that he is not a single guy coming and going as he pleases.
He is married, has a baby on the way so he really does need to sort himself out, otherwise he could risk losing everything.
Your right when you say its not your responsibility to care and support him, he is a grown man. Walking out of a job for silly reasons that you describe is both purile and stupid, which then leads me to the question as to why you married him in the first place. Although reading your post you already think that you made a mistake, that your turned off by him, and your finding it tiresome.
You are married to him, you have a child on the way so things could get messy should you decide that this is not what you want. Having said that, if nothing changes, which i suspect nothing will, your health and happiness are what is most important at the end of the day. I would not advise anyone to stay in a tiresome selfish loveless marriage.
Maybe communication is key here, have the chat with him, tell him of your feelings and concerns. If nothing changes then you may want to consider if this relationship is really for you. Relationships should be 50/50, one person should not be carrying the other doing all the leg work. He really does needs to sort his life out and man up.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2022):
 Let's start with your last sentence:
"Yes.... I know I made a big mistake."
So FIX that mistake. Take your tea-set and go stay with your family or ask HIM to go home to HIS until you two can get into some couples counseling OR go for a divorce.
He isn't going to be the one to FIX this, and now you know it's ON you.
Have you sat him down and explained how you feel? What you expect from him? That you can't raise a child in such financial instability?
Though I would say that you have been MORE than supportive
by being the breadwinner while he "tries out" various jobs and then quits. You two are a team. And that is what it takes, supporting each other. However, EVERYONE has a limit. YOU have to decide whether you want or not want to do this long term.
Not telling your job that you are Covid Positive is a "dick move". He should be around YOU either if he is positive! You are pregnant!
Maybe getting a little distance with him here can help you figure out your next move. I'd personally send him home to his mom, so he doesn't KEEP exposing you and the baby to unnecessary infections such as Covid, though it might be a little late for that.
Seems like you got a man-child, not a husband.
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