A
female
age
41-50,
*ceangirl
writes:my husband has left me and is living with a man!!! He and his mom has told me they are together and I just need to deal with it!! Im trying to be strong but don't know how!! Can anyone help me?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, loving arms  +, writes (10 April 2009):
Firstly let me say you sound like a strong lady who will get over this and you sound able to build a strong and good life for you and your son. As for your husband I suggest you write him a letter explaining your hurt and surprised you have been by his actions. You also share a son who will neecd to both in his life forever.
i expect your husband is acting so badly because of his own guilt. Anger is an easier emotion for some people. I do not doubt that your husband did love you, he may also have not known he was gay throughout the whole of your relationship (Some of us are late realising this) As already suggested seek help from people who have expeirenced this. I hope that your husband and you can move forward and hopefully become friends at a later date so your son can have two happy parents in his life.
Just one more thought, why are you holding all this to yourself? You are in no way to blame for what has happened, YOU do not need to protect your husband.
I wish you a happy future xxx
A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Hi there,I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You are not alone! There are many other straight people out there who find themselves confronted by the fact (often completely unbeknownst) that their spouse is not heterosexual.There are even support groups and networks created by/for such individuals. One of the largest in the US is: http://www.straightspouse.org/I hope you will get in contact with them. I’m sure they can offer a lot of personal help and support based on first-hand experience.I wish I could explain your husband’s actions. Only he can answer the questions you have, although those answers may never come, and even if they do, they will probably never fully suffice. All I can do is speak generally.We are all raised in the same society and exposed to the same images and messages growing up; in books, TV, Movies, magazines, billboards, etc. When it comes to sexuality, the idea that men are attracted to women and vice versa starts in the nursery; Snow White meets her Prince Charming and they live happily-ever-after. For the majority of the world this fairy-tale fits perfectly with their ideas and desires about relationships. But for a small percentage of us, we know that it does not reflect what is in our hearts.I don’t claim to know why, and truth be told nobody can say (although theories abound), but not everybody is heterosexual. Some of us are Homosexual, while others are Bisexual. The Kinsey Scale represents sexuality on a scale from 0-6, with 0 being 100% straight and 6 being 100% gay. In between there are ‘shades’ of bi.I don’t claim to understand why some gay and bisexual men chose to repress their sexuality. Perhaps some act out of a sense of learned self-loathing, or fear that they will lose the love and respect of their friends and family. Perhaps some do it to conform with religious teachings, or because they desperately want the social acceptance that comes from living a “normal” life.So they find a man or a woman they care about, even love, and imaging being able to live with them as a husband/wife. They get married. Some hope desperately that the desire and attraction and emotions of being in-love with their spouse will eventually come. Others just resign themselves to living their lives behind a mask.I’m sure the precise reasons are as numerous as the men and women who live out this type of closeted life. However, eventually the truth almost always comes out. In the best-case scenario it changes the relationship in an amicable way. It does happen.Regardless, no matter the intentions of the gay/bi person, my sympathy is equally distributed to the straight spouse. To you. Yes, your life has changed but you have your children, their love and support, and a strength born of surviving all that has come your way up to this point. That is a lot of strength!I urge you to reach out to the Straight Spouse Network and other support groups, and realize that you are not standing alone. Draw the support you need from those who’ve been where you are, and are where you find yourself now.Take care.
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A
female
reader, oceangirl +, writes (6 April 2009):
oceangirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthsnk you and I hope you use your advise one day but unfor. I only have strangers to confi in right know..
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A
female
reader, oceangirl +, writes (6 April 2009):
oceangirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!!! Ihave no dr becayse of medical insurance and finaically Im broke because of him!! but it feels good to just get this of my shoulders!! hes got everyone believing I was the bad person didnt make him happy and becuase of his father that is why he is gay!!! It feels good for someone to just listen to how I feel!!!
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A
female
reader, oceangirl +, writes (6 April 2009):
oceangirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionproblem is I was working nights last 8mnths because he was kick out of military!!! So, if there were signs I wouldn't of seen them I was dealing with his depression!!! I thought I was beginning a good wife!!! I gave up my career as a Real Estate Agent and went to going back to nursing ! Also, I cleaned house put clothing on him me and are son. Plus started a moving company!!! I put company in his name to show him I believed in him!! Then when I was at work he moved out couldn't find him for 5days than I found him!! He was willing to talk with me but was so cold and told me I couldnt make him happy and I should of seen the signs.. Then his mom called me and threaten me!! I know I just need to cut all ties but its so hard!! how am I suppose to do this? I know I must stay strong but how?
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