A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, so I'll cut a long story short, but I'm worried over finances. For the past year, my husband's been obsessive over Christmas, spending large amounts on extravagant gifts, and buying large amounts of sweets and crisps and encouraging our kids to eat them, and trying to re-live the magic of Christmas as often as possible!He's spent about $60,000 on these, although I think the true figure is closer to $90,000, and he's still not stopping.Amazon and ebay are the main causes of this problem, and he's also started to apply for more new credit cards to buy stuff, he's spend, spend, spend.We had an order delivered to our house online the other week; large amounts of food and drink, athleisure wear for me and bottles of diet Coke.I'm a mum to a 5-year old and 7-year-old daughter.I asked my husband why this is going on and he responded with "I WANT THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS 24-7.... IT'S GOTTA BE GOOD".Surely no-one wants Xmas 24-7, 365 days a year?This feels like a different guy to the guy I met and guy I know; he was romantic, kind, great dad.Now, he's non-stop obsessive over Christmas and the neighbours have complained about Christmas music and decorations.But my husband insists "it takes your mind off COVID19", and "you're being a Scrooge".He's also been watching gay porn online (I've found out he's got subscriptions to six different gay porn sites which he used our shared credit card for), and he insists he's not gay, it's just masturbation fodder and the only way he can get his dick to work before sex.Why would someone pay for gay porn if it's supposedly free, and do you think he's hiding being gay?I love my husband but now am questioning the whole thing... it's like I'm married to a whole different guy.I'm an Australian living in New Zealand, been here since April 2008. I met my husband in July 2008, moved in with him by January 2009.I'm worried about my husband, this newfound behaviour and spending is concerning and I'm worried we'll run into debt.I can't work from home as his behavior's too distracting,y et my employer requests we work from home.I feel like leaving him, but then again, for richer, poorer, sickness and in health... do you think he has mental illness?I really don't know what to do for the best here, please help!
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (14 April 2021):
 * This is no way to LIVE * sorry for typo.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 April 2021):
It reminds me of the Christmas song " I wish it could be Christmas every day " While i do love that song at Christmas time in reality it would be a nightmare because it would cost a fortune, and of course there would be nothing to look forward too.
I think he has taken leave of his senses, and does need some professional help in my opinion.
The amount he is spending is a gargantuan and this needs to stop before it gets to the point where you could find yourself without a home to live in.
Also we all over indulge at Christmas, if he is wanting to do this every day, does he realise how unhealthy this is, for him, for you, and your child.
You need to get some professional help for him, take over the finances so its only you that controls the expenditures, put a block on the credit cards he is using, and block his amazon account.
With the gay porn thing, I'm sorry OP, but a straight person would not pay for gay porn to masturbate over. Like with everything else he is just being liability, and it sounds to me like you need eyes in the back of your head with him as you just don't know what he is going to do next.
This is no way to love OP, and if you don't mind me saying i think that you deserve better.
So i think if he refuses help, or throws his toys out of the pram because you have taken over the finances, and blocked his expenditures, then maybe you might want to consider if this marriage is really for you, and leave him.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (14 April 2021):
 Sounds like he may be overspending to compensate for something........has he lost his job bc of covid by any chance and is thus feeling like less of a provider which drives him to buy loads of expensive crap to prove that he can provide everything you guys need?........has his relationship with you or the kids not been so good lately and he's trying to buy back your guy's love again??
The gay porn thing may not ean he is gay but he is certaintly exploring his sexuality( something men usually do in their teens or early 20's but who knows maybe he is late.....he could've watched it for free on pornhub like everyother horndog out there but if he pays for it with a credit card he shares with you it might be a cry for attention or help......he might just want you to listen to him...
can you put a "parental block" on sites he shops on regularly and also call your c/c to see if they are willing to help and not allow transactions from those sites to go through( you could lie and say your kid is doing it)??
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