A
female
age
,
*hickbitch
writes:My husband has been sending text messages to the girlfriend he was seeing before we met ten years ago. I found some of them yesterday. Up til then I thought we were happy and he was very loving and intimate with me. But in the text messages to her he says " I love you to bits honey" he calls her gorgous and sends lots of kisses.He says to me its been going on for a few years but only 10 or 12 times a year, and that it was only text messages. he says he hasnt seen her ( she lives 200 miles away) and that it was just an ego boost. I rang her and she says there is nothing phisical they love each other like brother and sister. I dont know what to do my whole wold is caving in, I loved him so much. now i feel like ive been living a lie. when he's not around I cry and cry. But when I see him I am so angry I just shout and scream. I know I am handling this badly but I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): I am going through a similar situation, so I can feel your pain. It is so hard to just not know what to do! I just found out that my husband (of 6 months) has been emailing an ex from 18 years ago. She lives in this area, and the emails date back to 3 months ago. I do not know if this is as far as it has gone for them, or if they have phoned, met, gotten into a physical relationship with eachother. When I questioned him about his general fidelity, he denied anything going on with anyone. Hmmm. I am not sure wether or not to belove that crock! I also saw some emails that he had sent in response to craigs list personals-looking for a no strings attached relationship. Well. Anyway, it feels good to get some of that off of my chest, and I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one in this boat. Good luck with your decisions, and I hope that whatever you decide, you can be treated with the love and respect that you deserve.S.
A
female
reader, thickbitch +, writes (31 August 2007):
thickbitch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to everyone who has taken he time to reply to my problem.I am unable to give you any update at the moment as i am still unsure what to do. But feel comforted that you care. Thankyou.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): Hun, there's no way in knowing for sure how far this has gone. Your husband and this old gf shared an intimate close relationship, at one time. If your husband has not seen this "friend" for quite a long time, then it might be possible that their emotional boundaries have re-grown. You've asked him to stop, with tears and conviction and he's not doing that. I can only imagine how this is wearing on you. As his wife, you have the right to police your own marriage and make sure, you are not getting being treated unfairly and being hurt. This woman is wedged right in the middle of your marriage..and it's time for her to vacate. And it's also time for your husband to realize what he stands to lose if he doesn't give this up because he is intentionally causing you pain for his own self-gain and satisfaction. Tell him one final time, to stop with the phone calls, the text messages and concentrate on building this marriage with you. Take a strong stand. Then, get into some marriage counseling with him and find out what is missing. But, the place to start is by communicating your pain and hurt to him. You know him best, is this behavior a character issue with him? Has he done this type of thing to you, before? If it is, you may have to walk away and begin anew. However, if this is a one-time recent thing, then perhaps something in your bond of marriage relationship and his sense of committment that has gone awry? Is he missing you? Do you both need to build the emotional intimacy once again in this marriage? Ask him and you both have to listen and communicate to each other. The only way to work at this marriage, is to get this friend out of his life so the two of you, can focus on that. You will have to build trust and time alone doesn't restore that. He will have to show you, by his behaviors alone that he is committed to making this marriage work. You have nothing to lose...shake things up here because his behaviors are indicating that what he's doing is destructive to this marriage. Be strong, dear and regain your balance. I am sorry you are enduring this..my heart goes out to you. Take care, hun
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A
female
reader, Gauri  +, writes (29 August 2007):
I can understand ur situation at present. Its good that you have called her so that u have more clarity about their relationship. Now just ensure that there is nothing beyond sms in between them nd if she says that we are brother and sister then start interacting with her and take your husband into confidence or otherwise also if ur husband wants to send sms to her ask him to show u each sms before sending to her. If they want to remain in contact then involve yourself 100% in between them. And if any point of time u feel that ur husband doesnt love u any more then first confirm from him and then immediately take the decision of leaving him.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Hi babe,
I would not say you are taking this bad, i'm sure i would act in exactly the same way if i had just found that out.
You need to tell your husband how it is making you feel and ask him why he feels he needs an ego boost, try and find out if there is something that he is not happy with in your marriage.
If he wants to be texting someone from his past, especially an ex you should know about it if it's all that innocent he should have nothing to hide and being his wife you deserve to know about it.
Take care.xx.
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