A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was told by a good friend this week they saw my husband panhandling and apparently he was begging for money outside a local supermarket and people giving him snacks and cash.I was surprised, I thought he'd just gone to the supermarket when I worked from home but no, the friend sent me a video over WhatsApp; my husband looked unshaven and rough and was drinking a bottle of vodka and a guy giving him a bottle of rum. He drunkenly said to a man "My wife left me for another guy, she's obese and should be on cheaters website; she threw me out and told me never to come back and I cant see my kids, she's been a fucking monster".He was wearing a cropped jumper that showed off his belly (which looked quite fat in the footage) and sweatpants and one of those ski hats.I can't work from home anyway (I'm a delivery driver, been doing so since 2015) and I'm a mom-of-one; luckily, my sister was looking after my daughter (she moved in with us after the breakup of her relationship).i'd come back from work one night, found my husband's car on the driveway, thought he was in, but no reply, until my friend's message popped up that same day over WhatsApp.How do I explain to my 8-year-old daughter that her dad isn't coming home and just left?Why would he just up and leave to live like a homeless guy?I can't understand the whole thing, and it's upsetting me.The problem is, where do I serve divorce papers to if he's moving around?I don't know of anyone else who's been in a situation like mine.I should divorce him, even though I love him and the whole situation is making me question my love for him.He obviously won't explain to me why he's done this, and he's left a lot of his clothes etc. and the car.It's been five days since he left and Its worrying me; I didn't cheat on him, no matter what he said.We didn't have any major arguments that led to this and I'm struggling to understand this.Obviously I have my younger sister for support, and mom, but it's not making sense.What should I do now? I'M WORRIED THIS IS A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE OR SOMETHING.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (23 April 2021):
You ask about your husbands mental health almost as an after thought. Have you heard of something called fugue?
Call your GP or family doctor and explain what's been going on - and ask if there's anything that can be done to get his mental health assessed.
Make a missing persons report with the police so they can do a welfare check on him. I'm surprised you didn't do that as soon as he didn't return home.
Call your husbands family. Your husband may not want to speak to you but he may speak to them.
If your husband is deemed to be not a danger to himself or others and still doesn't want to come home, then you can start divorce proceedings. Your lawyer will know what to do about serving papers on a homeless person.
I wouldn't tell your daughter anything right now except that Daddy's away at the moment - mainly because you yourself don't know what's going on.
I do find some aspects of your post confusing though. You said you initially said "I thought he'd just gone to the supermarket when I worked from home." but then you go on to say that you don't work from home.
I also find it strange that your friend filmed the whole event but made no other effort to contact you or help your husband in any way.
And once again, I find it strange that you seem to have just sat and let this happen without involving police, doctors and your husband's family.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2021): "I'M WORRIED THIS IS A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE OR SOMETHING."
Me too!
You have to tell the child, or his continued absence will demand an explanation. She's old enough to understand there is a serious problem. You wouldn't want her finding-out things by accident, his sudden appearance in his present condition, on the local news, or from somebody other than yourself.
You have no choice but to call 911 if and when he shows-up. He's gone long enough to file a missing-person's report, if he can't be found. Meanwhile, you should consult with an attorney to determine what the law and state statutes are regarding having someone admitted into a rehabilitation facility or placed under psychiatric care.
You have to protect your child, and yourself, should he be suffering from some sort of psychosis or mental-breakdown. He can't stay in your house in his present mental state. If he has relatives who can pick him up and temporarily give him a place to stay; that's best until you know what to do next.
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