A
female
age
,
*o foolish
writes:My husband of 12 years has been cheating on me, the other woman called to tell me, he in turn confessed. They have in fact never stopped sleeping together she is his ex wife. This was a year ago and I cannot get over it, it is on my mind most of the time. He has stopped seeing her, I just cannot get over it, I want to seek her out and make her feel a little of what I feel. How can I just let it go?
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female
reader, so foolish +, writes (19 November 2008):
so foolish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband did a great thing for me that ended up in the news wow was i thrilled!the day the paper came out the ex wife called and told me of the affair!she did not go into detail however when i asked my husband he did!they have been together he states 5 or 6 times,the times they were together are tough for me as they were when i laid in bed holding my mama as she died,when my brother was shot to death,when i was out of town and whenever else.my husband and i have talked about it many a time.it just isn't getting any better,i have forgiven him.i just can't quit my mind racing.....................................thank you so much for listening
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): So are you saying that he 'always' had sex with her the whole 12 years, you were married to him? A year ago, she derailed your life by calling to tell you about this sordid mess and it's no wonder, you still find yourself in this emotionally, anquished state over his disloyalty and glaring lack of character for what he and she did. I don't blame you. How sad for you and I truely hope he has changed into a more loyal, trustworthy man for you
So you ask how do you let it go? Time and healing, is the only way. I also think you and your husband need to 'face this' together, if you haven't already. Trust building is crucial here and it's a long, arduous process. And he was the one who still kept his feelings for the ex wife all these years, alive..he brought this onto your shoulders..he is the one you should be voicing your pain and hurt with. Get it out of your system. Communicate to him, and check into some good marriage counselor to see if this marriage can be repaired and what steps you need to take, to getting it up to snuff.
As for the ex wife. if you feel she's out of the picture now completely, just remember that being angry, bitter and gloating about what she and your husband did, will really, really diminish you as a human. Show her and yourself, that you are the better woman by resolving this finally, in your head and learning to move on from her role in all this. It's a waste of precious emotions and it can be spent on enhancing other aspects of your life. She ain't worth it, dear.
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A
female
reader, smiles12  +, writes (18 November 2008):
Wow, that is a tough one...
Please tell me you are not still with this guy? The thing is, I know you say you wnat her to feel a little of the pain you have gone through but you need to remember that it's your husband that has caused you this heartache, and yes she has played a massive part in it but you don't know what story he's been spinning her.
Did she explain everything when she told you about it? What reason did she give for telling you? I know these are probably all the questions you have asked yourself already, but maybe it's these things that can help you understand and move on from it? Have you spoken much to him about the whole situation?
Please feel free to contact me if you want to chat some more? There is only so much I can comment on at the minute!
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