A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Problems in bed.My husband And I have been married for 3 years now. We dated for at least 2 years. during that time we had the best sex ever. He was my first. I love and respect him with all of my heart. We have a 2 year old beautiful daughter. For the most part we do get along great. Though the last past, say 4 months or so ago, he has a low sex drive. He now is saying it feels like a choir. Before he gets home I will do everything to catch his eye, from the sexy clothes to candels, to passionate kisses. He nicely in so many words says no. I used to feel like we had to much sex. I wish it would go back to that. I even offer to use his favorite foreplay and he doesnt even jump on that. What is going on? I now am to the point i am frusterated. and i easily get mad at small things. when i try talking to him about it he gets a little defensive. and thats when he says your making it in to a choir like the trash. and when he said that it had been 2 weeks since we had sex. Then I start thinking that their is something wrong with me, or he does'nt love me. I would like to know what do i need to do? Should i have a serious talk about whats wrong?Is it an underlying issue? at what age do men go through mid-life crisis? I feel our marriage is hanging on thread. Were he acts like nothing is wrong. Him showing intimacy towards me makes me feel secure with him and our love for each other, and makes our love stronger. its very reasuring. So please give me some advice. Thank you.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Some men feel like once you become a mother, you are no longer the "whore" you're now the "madonna." This doesn't mean he doesn't love and care for you, it means he's having trouble seeing you in a sexual way. You need to sit him down for a serious talk and tell him he needs to get over this. You're still the same person, you just have a baby now. Yeah, he'll be defensive, no one takes criticism well (men are notoriously bad). But you need to make sure he doesn't brush it off and just go away. It's bad he thinks you're making sex into a chore, especially when it's him who's making it into a chore. You need to have the conversation and work through it, even though it will be extremely awkward. Try really hard not to get angry at him no matter what it says.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 I forgot to say let him relax and get in the mood first. He may need 30 minutes of alone time to recharge. Besides all those roles he still has the self to take care of. He's young, he may have a quarter life crisis but he can't go without sex for long. Let him starve and come running for you. Don't do anything to pressure him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 May 2010):
The baby is to be blamed. He sees you nursing the baby, changing diapers all the time and you become this mother figure. I had heard too many men stopping sex after the baby comes out. Tell your husband you understand what he's going through but he has to simply get over this. When you get married, you don't just say you love each other through thick and thin. In reality, you try your best to be the parent, the friend, the sexual partner, the domestic partner, the all-in-one person so the happily ever after can become reality. Be more flexible. In the morning, you are the worker, when you come home, you are the cleaner and the chore doer, then you eat dinner you are the family person, when you play with the baby you are the parent, when you go to bed you are the sexual partner. Get used to the routine. If you can't be a chameleon you can't survive marriage.
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