A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I'm quite uncertain about what to do about my relationship atm. My husband had an affair 3 months ago. It ended and we decided to work on our relationship. I got pregnant (accidentally) but we are both excited. My problem is, now I am having doubts about us and I don't know whether it is just pregnancy hormones (this will be our second child together). I obviously still have moments where I flip out and for the most part he is quite understanding. The thing is, I have lost a fair bit of respect for him for what he did. I know look at him in a different light, i.e. I used to worship him and now I look at him sometimes and think I married an idiot.Also, this pregnancy and the affair has made me realise what a selfish man a married. The affair is pretty straight forward so I won't go into that. With this pregnancy (I am 11 weeks) he will not tend to our 2.5yr old son when I as him too because I feel sick and tired. He actually acts like I am lazy and don't do anything. I wish I was just reading into things but he actually says things like; "Well I worked all week today" and "Well at least I don't sleep all day" (I try and sleep when oyr son is having his day nap so I don't feel so exhausted when he wakes up during the night).I don't cook as much as he'd like but I do do the housework (cleaning, laundry etc) as well as help doing the wages and admin for our business.I decided to give our relationship another go not only for our son but also because I thought I loved him still. Except right now, I find it very difficult to love this person I married...I know every relationship goes through it's ups and downs, I just don't know whether I should stick with this one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): you're going through a lot right now. Dealing with your husband's affair is a big thing, which can take YEARS to get the relationship back on track. Being pregnant is also a big thing because it messes with your hormones and you're making a major life changing bringing an extra family member into the world. Dealing with both of these issues at the same time, is extremely tough.you say your husband had an affair 3 months ago. that's still very recent. You are probably no where near over it. You may not even have moved past the denial stage yet (or whatever stages of grief or betrayal spouses often go through when they find out they have been cheated on).I think you should hold off on any decisions regarding your marriage for now, just put things on hold til a few more months have passed. Just let your feelings be, and a few months from now or after your baby is born, re-evaluate again. it may help to keep a private journal of your thoughts and as the weeks and months past you can go back and see if your feelings are changing or if your relationship is changing in any direction.Things may be much clearer after more time has passed. You may have processed your anger and betrayal more and feel more in control of your life if you decide to work on your relationship. Or, conversely, things with your husband may deteriorate substantially thereby making it clear-cut that you must end the marriage.
A
female
reader, avated  +, writes (12 February 2011):
I think you have anwsered your own question, in your eyes you dont have respect for him so you wont treat him with as much repect even if you dont relize it. In the end you will be miserable and he wont care. Hell think since you dont have respect for him he doesnt have to have respect for you. Your worried about your children but when your children get older do you really want them telling you hey mom why did you ever get with dad its like he has no respect for you?? Your children will understand when they get older but in the mean time if you cant love him your the one that suffers.
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