A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like your opinion. I have been with my husband almost 7 years, married 3. We love each other very much I know. But the first year of our marriage he became involved with his employee. He also admitted to me he was 'obsessed'. I don't know the extent of their relationship but they worked in a bar that allowed them to spend hours together late into the night. I know he would even puposely schedule her to work nights they'd be together.During their relationship I found numerous photos of her on his pc, disk drive, and cell phone. He knows how much it hurt me and it almost cost us our marriage. A year ago he told me it was completely over and after that she quit her job. It's been almost nine months since I know of him seeing her and we dont talk about her but recently I found several more photos of her on his computer. Do you think he keeps them for memories, thinking i'll never find out. I know they were not there nine months ago. Should I confront him and dredge up the past or leave it be and continue to hurt in private?I think about this several times a day and sometimes cry about it.I welcome any advice you can give. Please reply to my e-mail, I would appreciate if you not publish this anywhere, i just want the help, thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice..actually I forgot to mention that the pictures were taken last Christmas at his work party, but theres no telling when they were uploaded. I already deleted them but he'd never say anything if he noticed, and I don't feel comfortable getting spyware to..well, spy! This was just an unexpected surprise to find.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 I would delete them. And if he notices it, it'll show you that he does look at them frequently and you'll then have an opportunity, since he brought it up, to ask him why he still felt the need to hang onto pictures of her. If he never brings it up, maybe he just forgot they were there. But if I were you, I'd patrol his files every so often, to make sure new ones don't appear, because they may still be seeing each other if that's the case. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Ask him to rid of them, why should you feel like this in private, if he cares about your feelings then the pictures have to go. Or you have the option to delete them yourself and see if he has the balls to confront you, then you can approach why he still had them in the first place. It sounds like he is not over her. sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Well you have been more than generous in your attitude towards your husband and I guess this demonstrates your love for him but please do not be a doormat. I cannot believe that he would dare to keep pictures of her after what he did to you and how much he hurt you. If he had respect for you this would not be happening and my gut instinct on reading your story is that he is definitely not over her. He should be erasing the deed from his mind rather than reminiscing over it time and time again - the last thing you need is to know that is on your PC. He is being utterly selfish. Does anybody else know about this affair he had? If you have a closed friend or relative I would confide in them and perhaps have them around you when you confront him about the pictures on the PC which you absolutely must do and not suffer in silence. I say to get a friend round for moral support and also to get another opinion of his reaction when you confront him - body language etc says a great deal. Alternatively, and I don't want to make you more paranoid however I think you deserve the truth, there are DIY spy things you can buy over the internet that can be used by you to check emails, mobile phone messages etc even if they've been deleted. I only mention this because I feel you may not get a straight answer from your husband. Trust your gut instinct.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): I guess if it was really over for good he wouldn't be loading fresh pictures onto his PC, but on the other hand it could be just pleasant memories that he likes to look at and think back on. If it's just memories then I don't see that as a problem. The fact that you dislike this subterfuge does make it a problem though, and if he won't get rid of them without feeling he's lost something I would say he's not really over her completely.The best place for him to keep memories like this is in his head, where they won't upset you.You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. If he refuses to remove them perhaps you could do it instead, but that won't solve the root of the problem. He needs to get her right out of his system if your marriage is to survive, and that's something only he can do.Phil
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