A
female
age
36-40,
*arliemama
writes:I have been married for 8 months and we dated for two years before that. We each had a child from other relationships. Since being married my husband has really made me feel like my daughter (she is 8) is a brat, he is always getting mad at her for the way she talks and sometimes acts up, and I agree that it needs to change and we are all trying to change it, but when his daughter (5 years old) does the same thing he laughs at her and does nothing about it, but my daughter has to sit in timeout for a long time and gets her stuff taken away. now i fully agree that she needs to change her attitude but his daughter does too and even when i bring it to his attention he doesn't do anything. It is causing a lot of problems. Any advice would be great. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): With all due respect I don't think fighting about it and confrontation is going to get you anywhere, it may make things worse. I really hope you try the family counseling.
Another thought I had, is that different types of discipline work for different age kids. What your husband is doing with his five year old may be different than what needs to be done with an 8 year old. I think the consequences of having her stuff taken away is right on if she doesn't listen or disobeys. As for the five year old, that may be too harsh for her, where putting her in a room with nothing to play with for a few minutes might work better and asking each child for an apology for what ever "specific" misdeed or behavior at the time of punishment being over is appropriate.
I am not sure time outs work that well for an 8 year old, but consequences do.
I wish you all the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-Families/dp/0307440850
This is a great book for families by Covey...if the link
did not come through, copy and paste it into your browser.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): It is diffcult to blend a family like this and a lot of feelings come up that are difficult to deal with.
One thing I noticed right off is that you are still treating the girls as his and mine, which I guess I understand, but that might be part of the problem for your daughter....he may need to spend more time bonding with her, without you or his daughter along, so that she feels a sense of she is OUR daughter. The five year old needs to bond with you, too.
I suggest some family counseling before this gets out of hand and becomes a mess and feelings are hurt....I think if you work on it early on you will get some good tool for managing your new family.
The best of luck to you.
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