A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 32, my husband is 28, we've only been married 2 months, but I found out that he masturbates on porn sites. I need desperatly help..I cry every night I think about it. I work nights and when I'm not at home, he masturbates. The biggest problem is that he does not make sex with me.. I feel so betrayed and I can not talk to anyone. I can't tell him. I dont know what to do. It's so embarrasing that I can't even ask my own husband what's going on. When he's with me, he goes to bed early..but when I'm not at home, he stays up late and watches porn sites..I know because I retrieve the internet sites he's visiting.Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): I don't see this having been asked, so here goes. How was your sex life before marriage? Did you and he have sex before marriage and if so, was it good? Was he caring and interested in your enjoyment of sex. If the 2 of you had good sex before marriage then what has changed in the past 2 months. You and he need to talk about this and need to determine what has changed and how to repair the relationship. Perhaps counseling would be a good idea so that the 2 of you can talk more openly about it than you might be able to do alone.
An addiction to porn is a problem, but porn in itself is normally not a problem. The problem comes when porn causes a person to ignore his spouses sexual needs. Even looking at porn every day is not a problem if the person completely satisfies his partner's needs. If porn is just an addition to ones sex life because of sexual desire differences then it is not a problem. When I was younger I could have sex 3 or 4 times a day, while my girlfriend/wife was happy with once a day on week days and twice a day on weekends. I needed more and used porn nearly every day. I was satisfied and she was happy with the arrangement. Now that I am older and desire sex much less often I rarely look at porn, except some nights before we go to bed. She likes the way it excites me before bed. Neither of us consider it a problem. If I masturbated before bed and couldn't have sex with her then it would be a serious problem.
The only way I can see to solve this problem is to talk - a lot. If that is difficult then see a counselor together. If that doesn't work then perhaps divorce is in order, but that is a last resort.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Gosh, we get a lot of letters from wives whose husbands forgo their marriage vows and commitments, by using porn and ignoring the wife. I am just amazed at what damage, the addiction of Porn has done to people's lives. Listen hun, I am so sorry. I feel for you. I just answered a very similar posting the other day from a wife whose husband is doing the same thing. Rather than repeat to you what I said to her...please read the following link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/help--how-can-i-get-my-husbands.htmlI hope you get something out of it. But I can tell you, your husband has a weakness and as an clear thinking adult, he has made a choice to do something that is hard for you to bear. Like the other Aunts have suggested...you need to tell him exactly how this porn use is making you feel. Please consider doing that and soon. if you find you can't tell him, contact a marriage counselor for advisement..and they can help you find a voice to confronting him with this serious problem that is devastating your marriage. Good luck, my dear and please, be strong.
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A
male
reader, JandV  +, writes (19 May 2009):
well the truth is he is probably board already. show him u want to spice it up for him. u know where somthing sexy for him and try new things on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): okay this will b the hardest if u have a kid okay i believe that you should talk to your husband and see how things go through and even if he doesnt change after you told him how it feels and how you feel about and how much its hurting you then i think u should leave b cause if he actually loved you then he wouldnt hurt u and if u have a child boy or girl i think that the way he is treating u isnt a good example on them and how they should b treated in there lifetime and it will rub off an when it does she/he will feel the same pain u will
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): your relationship with your husband is going to keep getting worse if you dont talk to him about this.If i was you i would ask him why he does this?.And if he doesnt want to talk about it. I would just move on.I hope you the best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): You have to talk to him! That's the only way you can get this resolved! If you are in a sexless marriage after 2 months, there is something terribly wrong!
Relationships should be built on open communication, honesty and trust! Without the first, there is no way to have the second and third.
Get up the nerve to talk to your husband!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Had the same problem with my bf confronted him with it found out he was also talking to an ex we ended up cutting off the internet and no problems since, if he is that addicted to porn would suggest counseling
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