A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone hope you can help me out today. Well I'll start off by saying I'm recently separated and in the process of divorce. I was married for the last 8 years to a man who I really thought was the love of my life and everything I've ever wanted. We have a 4 year old daughter who is an amazing child. I don't want to make my soon to be ex husband out to be the bad guy and to make it like everything is his fault, but I have to say I feel he is mostly to blame for all of this. The last several months he just shut me out, but still acted like everything was ok. He just wasn't talking with me about his problems, always wanted to be left alone, etc. but would still be romantic and loving towards me. It was very confusing. I found out he was talking to an ex fling but didn't tell me anything about it. I wasn't mad but I felt hurt because as soon as he started talking to her, is when problems in our marriage started happening.I really don't think my husband was unfaithful, but he started seeing this woman not long after we separated. It was really just frustrating because here I am worried about our kid through all of this, and just hoping he will come around and we will work on things, but he decided to just move on completely and again totally shut me out. I really do love him and am in love with him, and I wanted to make this work but he seems to just be done with everything and it's hard for me to just move on after 7 years of being together every day and raising our only child together. I told him I would do anything to make it work, but he told me he wants to be with his new girl and wants to proceed with the divorce. In a way I feel like he picked 'her' over his daughter and I. I thought our family was the most important thing to him. I thought I was a good wife and I know I'm a great mother. He and my daughter were my life. I worked full time and did everything when I got home. I thought I made my husband happy, I never had a reason to think he was unhappy, until this other woman came along. Any advice y'all could give me? This has been very hard, I'm still in a funk over it all.
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (20 February 2016):
 I am sorry to hear about this situation. I know it is ceaseless pain you feel. It can seem worse than bereavement. Take comfort in you beautiful daughter. That is something good that has come out of it all.
I am sorry to tell you that it takes a long time to get over this. However as I sometimes tell people you need to get rid of stuff to make room for something better.
Don't rush it. The universe will make it come right. He is gone, but something better is in store for you.
Make time for your friends. Look up people you haven't seen for a while. Take a holiday with your daughter.Put the darkness behind you and look to the future.
There are many people reading your post who have felt exactly the same as you, and they are all wishing you well.
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