A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hope you can help...... My husband cheated on me for eight years, it took him 5 years to be done with her completely always begging me not to divorce him and take the kids. I stayed but I think she ended it more then he did. He has become a real drinker and has turned the tables on me saying our marriage is destroyed because I am not comfortable being intimate with him, I find it very hard to trust him and he has never really done anything to make up for having this long term affair except stop seing her. We've been through alot, I just don't know if I'm crazy for not wanting sex with him why should he be able to stop right back where he left off after the years of pain he has cause me? Please Help......Thank you
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affair, cheated on me, divorce Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tired82 +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Obviously your husband cares about you and his family because he terminated his affair. I am a true believer that people cheat because of the lack of something in their relationship. Do you love him? If you do please try to forgive him and be happy. If not he might go looking for what you are not giving him once again. Have you heard of Dr. Laura Schlessinger? I recommend you look into her material and the things she has to say. Good luck in your decision.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): you are mourning the loss of the relationship and have major trust issues which you are justified. It took him 5 years to completely end it with that person. Your husband is selfish , he has not worked on saving and healing your marriage. Have you considered counselling to work through the betrayal.Maybe he feels that you are punishing him by with holding sex. Doesn't he see that you are still hurting and cannot forgive that betrayal. He cannot expect things to go back to normal. Sex is a private, emotional thing. You cannot just "do it" for him. You have to be comfortable and the trust issues will creep in. How do you make your husband relaise the torment you are going through? Will talking to him help? I don;t knowYou are not crazy for not wanting sex right now. The betrayal, pain and humiliation is still so fresh. You need to mend your relationship but seems as though your husband doesn't realise or care what he has done to you. Have sex when you are ready, do not let him pressurise you. You did nothing wrong and if you need extra time to heal why not? Chin up - you survived so much already , do not let him "own" you. You need closure, trust and respect. Why is he not respecting you?
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