A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am married for 3 years, but never have had intercourse. my husband was addicted to masturbation. now he wants to correct his act. but not able to penetrate. from the past 6 months we are trying in vain. he loses erection. can a man be able to masturbate but not penetrate? I have seen him masturbate, he seems to start rubbing himself before any excitement whatsoever, and then works himself into an erection, and shoots off. is that how it works? his erection comes after lots of rubbing on himself, and goes off in a second. i have never had sex with anybody before. so i am lurking in the dark. will he ever be able to have intercourse? we tried counselling, but the counsellor told us to do things like - masturbate together, talk erotic. Nothing works. I have tried wearing the most sensual clothes, lingerie. Nothing works. He lusts only after internet women, and he can only masturbate. I am a very attractive person, and now I feel so horrible and inadequate. and I want to feel like a woman, you know and see that I have a sexual impact on a guy.
View related questions:
erection Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Ask him if he really wants you and if he really wants to have sex with you. Of course he will probably respond with a yes. Let him know it's time that he talks to you like he's talking to himself, that you can see him nude the way he sees himself. Let him know you love his body and are eager to know and fall in love with what's inside his underwears, tell him you want him badly and you feel desperate to kiss it. Tell him to lose the underwear and to get under the sheets with you if he feels uncomfortable naked. You can do that for a few nights before you have sex. wrap your leg around him feeling his penis with your leg, let him know you want it and you're enjoying feeling his body. Maybe he would like it if you were a little aggresive, just not too aggresive. Maybe while he's in bed under the sheets, you tell him to take those off and throw them aside. Then you slowly get in bed and unite your body with his and just cuddle. caress his chest and arms and kiss his cheek and neck. Don't let him know you're all turned on, it's only for him to feel comfortable in the nude. Also ask him if he's scared that you see his penis, and why. Tell him that if there's anything wrong with him, in your eyes, he is perfect, and you want that perfect man (him) to make you his. Try this a couple of times.
A
male
reader, Cards18 +, writes (6 December 2008):
It sounds like your husband needs to get more comfortable with his own body and self image..
Then he needs to slow down on the masturbation, and work on masturbating with different stimuli, for example, without his underwear on, laying on his back with his hand..
Men who masturbate prone are much more likely to develop a condition of impotence.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): hi its me the one in agony again! I have tried sitting on his lap, seducing him in shower, he would not go to the next step. and he would not let me touch his member. I am ready to massage him or do whatever. Nowhere I touch has any impact. He may get excited at the thought of something taboo, he says he gets an erection when he sees me in public areas, and he would come and press me from the back. But I have never seen his erection! Its something I hear about, and I never see. Its gone before I know it. So I tried asking him during sex, if he got the full erection so that I could guide it in , but I could understand it was somewhat awkward for him, and we both laughed. talking during sex slows it down for him. But without talking, based on what he does or his breathing I have no clue that hes turned on. And he does not remove underwear during sex. He has too many hang-ups. It took me 2-3 years to see him nude and touch him. He would not even let me touch him to an ejaculation, orally doing it to him, or me initiating it would give him a heart-attack. He never never never initiates intimacy. He would press my buttocks, or pinch me, but after that does not lead to anything. To get sex, I have to ask for it, and because of his failure to launch, he ends up giving me an oral (hes okay with giving me an oral, but his private parts are beyond reach for me!), and then humping on the comforter (with his underwear on) and then going to sleep.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): I've heard of things like this happening before, just not for 3 years. The problem is defenitely psychological. Have you tried rubbing him after he has the erection, some oral sex might do. Find his weak stops, caress his legs and balls while rubbing or masturbating him, or better yet, giving him oral sex. You can also be a little rough and scratch him on his chest. If he's fully erected then try intercourse. You can always play around with him like acting like a child or a teenager and climb on his lap, make sure you move on top of him, if you feel an erection coming up, you tell him something like, "what have we got here?". You open his zipper and pull it out, start playing with it, kissing it maybe, before the erection goes away. Sometimes it isn't easy to turn a guy on, usually my girlfriend has to give me oral in order to turn me on (completely). Once it took me over an hour and I'm a pretty freaky guy. When he lets go and he's in a psychological mood (he's laughing maybe having fun), go to the physical part and tickle him and caress him in differnt areas of his body. Have you tried exploring his body and find areas that tickle him and turn him on? if not, maybe you should, just start kissing him in every part of his body, draw yourself a mental map and mark the spots where he seems to react to. Good luck, I hope his might help. You can keep trying to find other sexologists for answers.
...............................
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (4 December 2008):
 From my own uneducated opinion, your husband has some really serious issues that will not be helped with anything you do.
Is it possible he was molested as a child? Shame issues about his sexuality? Possibly homosexual but is not comfortable with that? Did his mother make him feel guilty about sex? What is his relationship with his parents? Has he ever been able to have good sex with a real woman?
Something is very wrong and it isn't medical or anything to do with you. He seems to have very complicated emotional and psychological issues.
Most men can masturbate all the time and still have great sex with a woman.
Something is very very wrong here and I have a feeling anything you try is not going to help him feel comfortable about sex.
Is he selfish in any other ways? You need to start asking questions with him and hopefully he is open to explore what is blocking him. This is very unusual to say the least.
If this has been a life long issue for him, I hate to say this but I think it is very unlikely you will have a sex life with him.
...............................
|
