A
female
age
41-50,
*anshebe2emotional
writes:My husband and I have been married for about 6 years. There is no more romance he barely spends anytime Quality time with our kids, he treats me like total crap always belittling me and putting me down. Mean while I support him and all that he does. He honestly has no idea of the things that im interested in!!!!! And go figure all of these things begin to surface more now that he will be deploying soon, and we will not have a chance to really work things out. I love him to death I just dont know how to address him with these issues without it turning into an argument.
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female
reader, Belle Loftin +, writes (25 January 2009):
I really can give no credit to anyone who is in the habit of putting others down. It clearly, under any circumstances, is a way for a person to build themselves up. Even if he is worried, he has no right to put you down, ever! He was probably raised by a man who puts his mother down. I am truly very sorry that you are having to endure this. It really does feel like crap being on the receiving end of this. I do believe that you need to build you up. You are probably going to have to rely on friendships, your parents, siblings, etc. to give you the encouragement that you need. I can tell you this. He probably feels entitled to put you down whenever he feels like it. You are not alone. I will pray for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): leave him. he will never change. you are young. divorce will be easier now than when your kids are older. find someone who loves you and treats you with respect.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 Emilyanswers could be right. Sometimes we push those closest to us away when we are stressed or have things going on in our lives.
Not quite the same thing as deployment but my hubbie used to work away and when he first came home we were all over each other like a rash yet by the time it came to go back to work he would sulk, be mardy, keep away from me, get snappy with the kids etc. I approached him about it and he said that it hurt so much to go and he misssed us all so much it just made him feel like crap and he was short with us rather than loving as it made it easier to leave the next day.
He doesnt work away anymore and he is back to his loving self all the time. But in your case, just sit him down and talk to him about this. You cant know what is going on his head unless he tells you, but there must be fear that he will not return. Tell him you understand this and need all the love he has to offer before he goes as it will keep you both strong whilst he is away. x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 July 2008):
Ah deployment. It can do strange strange things to a man's mind.
Sit him down and tell him you are unhappy. Tell him that if he doesn't sort out and talk about what is bothering him then you won't be here when he gets home.
Perhaps he's convinced that you are going to cheat / leave him while he's away, so he's pushing you away no to stop himself from getting hurt. I know it doesn't make sense but he's man so it doesn't have to.
Really get him to open up. If he's going for a long time or to a dangerous place that could be having an effect. Next time he does something or says something then just let rip.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Baybegal  +, writes (6 July 2008):
I think that him leaving for a bit is actually good so you two can have time to miss eachother and so he can see what he really has and just how good you are. Dont put up with his bull though , the more you let him do it the more it will go on and to further extremes. You defanitely need to have a talk with him and tell him how you feel because if your not speaking up for yourself he will not know and will think its ok to do what he is doing and he will continue to do it. Think of it this way you two have been married for 6 years and im sure you tell him everything right? so why not tell him this and let him know whats up . " treat others how you want to be treated" is the quote I live by and if you have to treat him like he treats you for a little bit to show him what its like then so be it! but dont be afraid of an argument they dont last forever and at least he will know!
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A
female
reader, gracielatr +, writes (6 July 2008):
I say start working on making yourself as strong as possible when he is gone. Become as happy as you can be without hating him. And when he comes back let him know what upsets you when it happens.
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