A
female
age
41-50,
*s.x.M.x
writes:I was with my husband since high school, we had our first child at 18, second at 21 married at 23 and our 3rd child at 24. We never really argued and had a good relationship, we loved each other very much albeit the pressures of life and work didnt leave much time for us to spend together and it did take its toll as with most relationships but it never bothered us and we never thought we would ever break up. Before our 3rd daughter was born he annouced that he was addicted to cocaine, we stayed together but I showed little support and just wanted him to sort it out which I regret wholeheartedly but had the kids to think about. There was a string of events to precede that resulted in our seperation, re-mortgaged our house, spending our kids nursery fees, theft from his parents, my mum, his work collegues, taking out loans... the list goes on. His mood became aggresive and he changed, he became less intersted in our family and less patient. I asked him to leave when it got too much and he had many many chances and told him come back to us when he had sorted himself out. He never came back, 4 weeks later he moved in with another girl who lived locally and tore me and the kids apart, they were 1,3,7 at the time and they could not understand why their daddy didnt come home anymore. I tried desperatly to get him back and explained that I would stand by him and sort it out, he was on a downward spiral and I couldnt reach him. He came back one night and told me that he wanted to come home but the next day he was distant again. When that relationship ended 3 months later we tried again for a week and he left again to move in with an 18 year old student who he has been living with for 1.5 years, she comes from a wealthy background and not itno the drug scene at all, i havnt met her and neither have our kids, it kills me to think about it and cannot grasp the age gap as we are both 26.We have slept together a few times over the last year or so and I still feel the love between us but cannot reach his heart as there is so much guilt there and he claims that he doesnt want to get back together. He says he doesnt take drugs anymore but I know too much has happened between us for it ever to go back to the way it was. I love my husband with all my heart and can still see the good in him, my kids miss their daddy and want him back in our lives. I cannot let my family go or bear the thought of being with someone else I dont want to ''move on''. How do I try to mend a broken home and get him back or is it unfixable?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (21 April 2008):
 To fix it, both parties need to be willing to work at fixing it. Until your husband says that he wants to come back to you, there's not alot you can do unfortunately...It sounds like he has sepreated himself from you and family life, which is sad...You could try talking to him and telling him your reasons for wanting him to come home, if he gives you a firm no after this, you know you will need to move on.
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