A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my husband is making fun of me all the time in front of others; when I said that huts also he is repeating, and my mother in law is also taking it as an advantage and making fun of my skin tone, really hurts as I am susceptible to those things Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2021): HiYour post is a bit vague. Everybody is susceptible to something, my nose was my sensitivity ,as a child it was bigger than my little face. It sort of ended up been a feature that I actually grew to like now as an adult, it's part of me and fits.When people make fun of you, whatever their personal poke maybe, look at the INTENT behind it, and look at your own thoughts about your sensitivity. Stand up and laugh in their face and enjoy every unique thing about you. If they overstep the mark, speak up and tell them to shut it or explain themselves.People always used to poke fun at my nose and I would cry when I was little. My nose was very personal to me and I was very sensitive to any ridicule, but my dad would say' 'Now look! you have a good strong roman konk, get used to it, it belongs to you and you alone, live with it and appreciate having one, just think it won't break easy and He was right I may have needed this as I grew into adult hood, it never broke and neither did I, neither should you. Enjoy and appreciate everything about you and never let the world tell you anything negative. Your own belief system helps your inner strengths, you know what's right and you know what's wrong and you also know INTENT or you should do.If someone has a problem, understand it is their problem. Some people enjoy upsetting people or grinding them down, you'll meet plenty assholes through life, probably close to home or within family circles, it's part of the journey, how you deal with your sensitives is more important.Be bold and become bolder if you have to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2021): I think I understand your problem. Maybe others don't exactly get what you're so upset about.
Colorism, which is the bias against people of darker skin tones is a problem that runs deep in India...just as it does here in America. You can blame it on colonial prejudices, and the caste system in your country doesn't help!
Like in all countries around the world, that have either a mixture of races; or the people have regional differences in their complexions. Somehow there is an ever-present prejudice against people of darker tones in skin color. The beauty and entertainment industries exploit it; in fact, they seem to add more fuel to the fire. You see less of people of darker skin color, and more fair-skinned people than you do middle and darker tones of skin in ads, on TV, and in movies. It's a reality of life, my dear. Standards of beauty are usually based upon Caucasian, or European-attributes; but it's really your problem, if you buy into that.
My dad is of Greek heritage; but had a Moroccan grandfather with a very dark skin-tone, which my dad inherited through that gene-pool. Of course, lighter-skinned relatives took issue with that. He turned-around and married my mother, an Indigenous Native American woman! Now picture us, their offspring! The "darkies" we were sometimes referred to!
You have to learn to accept your natural attributes; or it will become an easy target of bigotry and ridicule.
You first have to deal with your own prejudices about dark-skin, in order not to feel defensive, rejected, or degraded by others.
You must develop pride in your natural beauty; and of your parents, who gave you all your physical attributes. You didn't have a choice what color you were born, and you're not a joke. You're a person. Born of a very proud and beautiful race of people. Some resort to skin-bleaching creams; often to disastrous or unnatural-looking results! So sad!
You have to ignore it, even when it hurts. You can return the barbs and insults when they go there! Toss back a few jokes in their direction! Don't behave like a scared little child, helpless and bullied!
Your mother-in-law is jealous of your youth and beauty. She has found a way to cover-up her own insecurities; by pointing-out and making fun of yours! Just remind her how young you feel, and how vibrant you are! Tell her how you understand how she envies the lovely glow in your youthful skin; which goes so well with your glossy black hair! You love what you see in the mirror; when you get dressed, or do your hair. When she pokes fun, flaunt your lovely stuff! Put your hands on your hips, and swish your hair! She's getting old and drying-up! Who can she make fun of anyway?
Your husband is being playful, but cruel. He gets a thrill out of seeing you go to pieces; or cowering from your mean-old mother-in-law.
We learn to adapt to our environment. It's the law of survival. In time, you're going to toughen-up; and the teasing won't bother you as much. You can make fun of something he's sensitive about. Don't be afraid to draw his attention towards HIS visible imperfections; and he'll back-off. Skin-color is a genetic human-trait, not an imperfection. Don't treat it like a curse!
By cultural-tradition, you must be respectful of your elders; but you don't have to take their crap! Remind her that schoolyard-bullying is most unbecoming of a woman her age! What should you tell your children about grandmother?
Being too timid makes you an easy target for bullies. You have to learn to take teasing in stride; and be a little tougher in this world. Ignore it, as long as no-one inappropriately puts their hands on you, or dare to infringe on your human-rights; based on the color of your skin.
Moisturize, eat healthy, drink plenty of water, and your mother-in-law will be "green" with envy! Apparently you were chosen as the woman to be his wife. Either by an arranged-marriage, or he courted you; so maybe you shouldn't take all your husband's teasing to heart. Their family's sense of humor obviously sucks! The world can be mean, but you can't collapse under whatever life throws at you.
If you've lived a pampered, or sheltered-life! Welcome to the real-world, my dear!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (21 April 2021):
 OP I understand that this isn't pleasant for you. Your husband should not be treating you the way that he is, and your mother in law is being disrespectful. I see you are from India and I know women are treated differently over there BUT you are not a little child that can run to mommy and daddy....YOU need to speak up for yourself! Ask your husband why he treats you in such a manner and ask him to be loving and kind. I don't know if will work but he can't hurt to talk to him and let him know you don't like how he treats you. Your mother in law is a little different...she will probably just say and do as she pleases and if your husband doesn't stand up for you then you will either have to ignore her or treat her as a silly child and laugh and not let her know that she is bothering you! My Father in law was a very loud outspoken man and I learned to just ignore him. He was ridiculous and the whole family knew it. People can only get to you if you let them! If worse comes to worse, get a divorce and get away from both of them!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (21 April 2021):
 You don't really elaborate much of what is actually going on in this situation.
Seems a bit like play ground stuff to me, I think you should ever roll with it and let the comments just roll over you, or get out altogether.
I assume you knew what your husband and his mother was like when you married him.
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A
female
reader, robbie2499 +, writes (21 April 2021):
How absolutely immature and appalling for you. If it were me I would wait until the two are together and clearly state how much it hurts me as well as ask the question "why do you both feel the need to belittle me?" or something to that effect. Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2021): Talk to your husband and tell him you will only tell him once that if he disrespects you again the marriage is over.He must also have your back and tell his mother to stop and treat you well.If these things do not happen divorce.Those two are bullying you and killing your self esteem.You are being abused.Do not take that treatment from anyone because you are worth much more than that.Be strong..take your self esteem back and respect yourself.
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