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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband is becoming increasingly absent-minded. It started out with little things, things that many people do, like leaving the toothpaste cap off or forgetting to brush his teeth at night, but recently he has started leaving water on after washing his hands in the toilet (last night I came into the bathroom and it was like a steam-room- who knows how long the hot water had been running, I couldn't even see my own reflection for all the steam and my hair immediately went limp) he either leaves the water on or the lights on in the bathroom nearly every time he uses it. Also, he leaves lights on all over the house, even when we leave to go somewhere, he will leave lights on in any room he has passed through. Recently he has taken to leaving doors open as well. Despite the fact that I have mentioned to him several times to be careful about this (I also feel like I'm turning into a horrible nag!) it has progressively gotten worse. Last week he left the basement door open and our nephew fell down the stairs. We always keep that door closed so there should be no reason he should leave it open. A few weeks back he left the garage door open all night and we had a few things stolen. Most recently he left our back door open and our cat ran away. He is only 27 years old so I can't imagine this is an age or alzheimer's-related issue. I don't know what I should do...I feel like I have to follow him all over the house.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 It could be the fact that his mum passed away yes. Its a shock to the system and we all deal with stuff very differently. He may need to simply talk some things over with someone to get this all out of his system, the body mind and brain are very strange things, he may have triggered a shut off mechanism that makes him not want to remember certain things and with coaxing can be turned around, but it needs to be identified in the begining what is causing it, anxiety,stress, loss of someone can all lead to the mind behaving in a strange way, if it is brought on by him losing his mum, then yes it can be worked through and it should become easier but would need some counselling and the right diagnosis.
IT does depend what the trigger factor is. Maybe keep a record yourself of the instances and how frequent, and arrange to go to the doctor with him, i appreciate hes gonna feel crap if you point all this out and try modicodle him, but nevertheless he needs to be seen by a doctor, perhaps if you have a diary of episodes the doc will be able to see a pattern and see whats what from there but do mention that his mum died. Did your husband grieve when his mum passed ? My dad didnt and never ever has, he suffered from a very bad case Of OCD(obssesive compilsive disorder) when his mum passed, the mind triggered it as it was easier to deal with that than face reality.. anyway it could be something along them lines the mind truly is strange. Try not to worry and just tell your husband that it wont hurt to have a check up anyway. Its hard to pin point but if it is some kind of stress realated it should go in time but with the right coaching. I could be wrong so please do go and get him checked out so you can rule as much out as possible and get him back on the right road. I have heard of many things that can start out early in life, hodkingsons disease and things along those lines, but they are rare to start at that young age and are heriditary, but thats also another possilbilty. I would go sooner rather than later though, as you really dont know what has brought this on and the sooner he gets seen the sooner something can be done. But do please let me know how this turns out.
Take care x
A
female
reader, Genyouwin Thawts +, writes (11 July 2006):
Hey- firstly you are doing incredibly well to support your husband through a very difficult time. I'm no medic so I'm not going to even conjecture about the reasons for your husband's absent mindedness. However, I am concerned about YOU - you need to organise some help for yourself, before the situation gets too hard to handle - is there someone close who you can discuss what you are going through? Someone who can offer real support whilst you take time to seek medical advice about your husband? I feel that you need to act now, because, in reality, he may put himself and/or others in danger - you don't want that responsibility resting on your shoulders on top of everything else, so...take the pressure off - you may be relieved when you find out the cause - then you have something which BOTH of you can work on together - rather than shouldering the whole burden on yourself - once again - well done for being so brave - i admire you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Thank you for your swift response- he does not have headaches very often and I have never noticed any shudders. His grandmother is in the first stages of alzheimers but she is in her 80s...his mother passed away about six months ago, could that have contributed to this? If so, does that mean it will get better with time? I agree that he should talk to a doctor about it soon, regardless; I just don't think he realises what he is doing. I point it out to him and he reacts in a normal way but doesn't seem to remember later if I point out that he has done it again, therefore he doesn't think there is a reason to talk to a doctor about it; he doesn't see any of the repeat action.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (11 July 2006):
This could be neurological.. Does he have any headaches ? any sudden shudders that you notice.. there are all sorts of things that can affect the brain and the thought pattern. Has he recently had a shock ? anything happen that wouldnt normally happen ? sometimes the mind can react as a shutdown mechanism without realising. Forgetfulness could be the start of disease, or something like that, not going to scare you with all the whys and wheres, but I was always told that if any adult of that sort of age that suddenly looses memory or progressively looses memory that gets worse or has a siezure or a violent headache episode that they wouldnt normally have to seek medical help to make sure there isnt any pressure within the brain.
It could be something simple and an in balance that needs addressing or it could be something that will need longer treatment, the key thing is to get him to see a doctor as soon as you can so that whatever it is can be recognised sooner to get the best possible start for him. Is there anything heriditary that anyone else in his family suffers from ? Its a bit hard to say, but i suspect there is probably another sympton with this that your not aware about and maybe one that hes not sure about, i presume hes pretty normal all the other times and its just these episodes that make you think that something is wrong..
Please try and get him to see a doctor soon, and i would wish that everything is okay with him, but please let me know how you get on, i would really like to know how this turns out.
Take care and I wish you all the best.
x x
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