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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am 35 years old and have been married for 10 years now. I have 3 kids the oldest is 11 and from a relationship the other 2 are with my wife. For the past couple years things have been pretty bad at home fighting, bickering, major tension between my son and wife while the other 2 kids can do no wrong. This puts in a difficult situation. I love my wife but i love all of my kids so here i am trying to "keep the peace" between my son, my wife and other 2 kids and it had become clear to me that i am fighting a losing battle. It seems that while things keep getting worse between the wife and my son the unhappier i have been and so has he. I have to protect my son and i am seriously thinking about leaving but i do love my other 2 kids. My wife and i havent had sex in months. If I decide to leave my oldest will come with me. I cant remember the last time i smiled or laughed other then with my kids and i just dont know how or what to do. I am not seeing anyone or having an affair and I dont need to get some. What i need is to be happy and i have tried and tried to make things like they were. so i guess my question is am i crazy for leaving or staying?
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Stick with the situation. Get your sex life going again and I bet eventually, the kids will get along.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): Well Dad, your first responsibility is to protect your son, and leaving just isn’t an option. You have two other children who are depending on you to keep loving their Mother and keeping this family solid and intact. But no child should be the brunt to a parent’s ongoing anger. As like most families, occasional blow ups do happen and this teaches children, that parents are 'human and they make errors and misjudgements'. But as parents, we go that one step further and show them how to use regret, sorrow, and humility to begin to repair the damage caused by angry words and actions. You wife would be wise to help by teaching this to your son. Her involvement and accountability in all this, is crucial and it could help them "mend the fences" with your oldest son.
Dad, your responsibility here is to police your family and take charge. Get your entire family into family counseling. The first work in family counseling should be to put immediate brakes on your wife’s lashing-out behaviors. Nothing can change unless that is controlled.
Your marriage is important. How you and your wife both learn to handle your differences will over time set the tone for your marriage, and your family, in the future. And I will tell you, most married partners will concur, it is a life-long process.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (20 December 2005):
 If u feel you wife is maltreating your son in any way then u have to take him away from the environment.
Goodluck
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A
male
reader, readytogo +, writes (20 December 2005):
i posted this question and thank you for your answer. my oldest has been with us for 8 years and does look at her like a mom and it has not always been like this and the other 2 do get away with alot more and receive lesser punishments for similar behaviour. she will blame most things on him even if he has nothing to do with it.
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A
female
reader, crosstini +, writes (20 December 2005):
Step-families require a delicate touch. But for a start, an 11 year old should not feel free to 'bicker' with a parental figure - he needs to be respectful of her. Her own children will have grown up under this discpline and she should not have to put up with cheekiness from your son. However, you had your son before you even met this woman. You need to decide whether she is being unreasonable or whether he is overstepping the mark. You do him no favours by allowing him to be rude to her, but on the other hand if she is being to heavy handed with him, you owe it to your son to take him out of that situation. He didn't ask you to marry her and you had responsibilities to him first. Bear in mind that he is only 11, and he might grow out of it if this is mostly his fault. Your wife will probably not grow out of it, so if it's coming from her, protect your son.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (20 December 2005):
Hi there, I feel for you. Obviously your kid isnt accepting your wife in his life. You mentioned u feel the other two kids can do no wrong does that mean u feel she doesnt care for him cos he isnt hers?Do u really feel your wife is really that sort of person?How do u know its not becos the others see her more like their mum and your kid doesnt.
You have to step back and think u are the only one in this relationship so only u can tell. What causes these fights? Is he just plain stubborn and rude to her? Is he not accepting her as a mother figure? Is she the one with the problem here. Do she tolerant the other kids if the do similar things?why should your an 11yrs old child be fighting and bickering your wife? I am not in agreement this attitude even if u feel she is treating him unfairly.
If u love this woman and i feel she is sincerely trying to handle a kid who isnt accepting her and feel your marriage is worth saving then u have stick by her.When your son sees you are standing by her he will learn to respect her. But showing her u would rather stick to your unruly son she will be hurt and he will keep on bickering and disrespecting her. U can also get counselling for your marriage and your family.
But if u feel u wife is the one with the problem, u dont love her and ur marriage and family isnt worth saving then leave.
Take time to think about all the events that has happened then decide what to do.
Wishing u the best, i hope everthing turns out for the right.
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