A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago.we'd been together 10 months and it had been quite a rocky relationship, very intense, moved very fast and although the good times were amazing, the bad times were too difficult.he suffered from retrograde jelousy and it took over our relationship, we'd have a great day together and then he'd bring up my past, my ex's, getting upset and angry that he wasnt my first love. he used to really hurt me intentionally to unload some of his hurt onto me.we were helping each other through it, he was about to get counselling and try hypnotherapy, we both wanted it to work as we love each other so much.however i found texts on his phone to his best guy friend, he'd said some pretty hurtful things about me and it just pushed me over the edge, i met him that night and broke up with him.he was heartbroken, ive never seen someone so hurt, it killed me to do it to him, however i felt a relief that he wouldnt be hurting anymore from all the jealousy he suffers.he did explain the texts to me, that he was drunk and angry as we'd just had an argument, no excuse i know, but he also said he was weak and didnt want to tell me how he felt to my face as he'd hurt me too much so he vented to his best friend. i do understand that although it still hurts.anyway, i felt so gulty for causing him so much pain we ended up meeting the next night and although at first he couldnt even look at me he ended up listening to all my reasons for ending it, basically for setting him free to be the old him again and by the end of the night we were laughing, joking, talking, having the best night we'd had in a long long time. he was back to being the man i fell in love with in those few hours and he admitted it was because we wernt together and that by just being friends a weight had been lifted from him, all the jealousy and anger and pressure of trying to be as good as my ex's had gone away. it was a great night.stupid or not we made love that night and both said it felt so right, we discussed that we still love each other and in the future do want to be together. he's still going to try the hypnotherapy even though we are apart at the moment which i think is amazing.however we still text each other saying how much we love each other, we still meet, we still make love, we still act like a couple just without the label.what i really need to know is this unhealthy?! should we have some space to figure out what we really want or if it works for now should we carry on like this?i just dont want to get hurt or for me to hurt him again, what if we carry on "seeing each other" and then one of us meets someone else as we arent committed? someone will be left heartbroken, but then what if we stop and it could have been the best thing that ever happened if we'd given it a go.My heart wants to stay with him, my head doesn't know.im so confused and would appreciate anyones views and opinions.thankyou
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): i know how you feel because i dumped my first boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and he says it still hurts him that i left him for another guy who is more sweet than he is.My best friend just gave me some questions i should ask myself when i have boy troubles.Now i am going out with a freshman in high school and i am in 8th grade. He says he loves me. he is soooo sweet to me. he gets me, he knows when i need cheering up. that is what i like about him.
A
female
reader, happy24birthday  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Do not listen to your heart.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Yes, it is very unhealthy to still act like you are in a relationship when you aren't in a relationship. And perhaps knowing he doesn't fully have you, he might stay on his toes for a while and be on his best behaviour, hoping you come back for real. But when you do, it will all be the same deal over again, and the reasons you broke up with him in the first place will still be there.
You can't heal this way. You are only prolonging the goodbye. When you first broke up you were happy to be out of the relationship. His pain will go away, and he still needs to work on himself and get over this jealousy of his, if he ever can. If that day once comes, sure go back to him. But not now.
Why would it be the best thing that ever happened if you continue to see each other? You already know what the relationship was like! And it won't get better! The first year of a relationship is where you get to know each other, and you know him by now, you know him well enough to break up with him as you know he is not a man you can be with, and there is too much hurt.
Trust your own judgment. A relationship where you break up and get back together isn't a good one. Not this early on in a relationship. I could understand if you were married and had children, but not when you are this young and have nothing that stops you from leaving.
Ask yourself this question: does he make you happy? There comes a time when the bad outweighs the good.
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