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female
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anonymous
writes: i wrote to this site a little while ago about how my partner was telling me that he didnt want me anymore and how he didnt love me, after i had finally stopped begging him he said he wanted me back and that he wouldnt hurt me again. well i got some very good advice about not going back with, but guess what? i did!anyway, he has been really mean and cruel to me lately. talking to me like im an annoying sister, not texting me and not even wanting to kiss and cuddle. i would keep asking him if he wanted to be wiv me and he would say yes but all his actions were saying no. well he has such a busy job hes been away for two weeks in three different countries and ive been in hospital. so two days ago i say we need to spend sum time together and he agrees but he wont do anything i want, like go for a drink or a meal. i plead with him bcuz i havent seen him for so long and he finally agrees. we go out and he tells me he's bored and it isnt exciting for him, but everytime i suggest sumthing he says no! well i cried and cried and he tells me that he still wants to be with me, but he needs to make more of an effort. yesterday i go and see him and treats me even worse not talking to me or anything. i finally snapped and asked him why he was treating me so badly and he said he didnt know why, but maybe bcuz i take it. he then says he doesnt want to be with me nemore but wants to be single. i ask him if i should leave and he said no that he wanted me to stay and cuddle for the nite. this morning i woke up still really hurting and he says weve broken up, i have abit of moan about how he shouldnt have treated me so badly all along if he wanted to be single but he should have just said. he then said that maybe he was too hasty saying we should break up and that its over. he asked me to go and talk tonight. weve got a holiday and 2 weeks of things to do planned and i feel so depressed! why is he hurting me like this? im a really nice girl that has a bubbly personality and all his friends, colleagues and family say that dont know how he got such a good lookin girl and say hes coca- cola cup n im premiership! if this was true, why doesnt he treat me properly? im 20 and hes 24 and i thought he was the 1. he says i do 2 much for him like his washing and lifts, but i m just trying to make his life easier! im so jealous that he's going to go and sleep with other girls and never see me again, im so i love and i really dont know what to do. this is seriuosly breaking my heart - for a second time!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): hi, im the girl that wrote my comment and i want 2 thank every1 who wrote me an answer. yesterday i turned up at his flat like he asked me to and he wasnt even there! i called and texted him and he said he would be home at midnight, so i went to go and talk to him. he said that he was just not wanting this relationship and that he has no respect for me. that one bites! anyway, we fooled around and he was going on about how much he never wanted any other girl so i was feeling hopeful, he kissed me and cuddled me all night again but this morning he was a changed man - didnt want to talk to me and just got really rude to me when i asked why he slept with me if he didnt even like me. he just got up, got ready for work and said 'sorry' and goodbye. well i did a few bad things to his flat (nothing huge-im not really mean just took things like 1 of his gloves and binned a t-shirt i always hated!!). what i struggle to understand is why he broke up with me but covered his myspace account with pictures of me and said he was in a relationship!im going to try and be strong, but ive never felt so much pain in my heart before, when i stop and breathe i start to cry and i cant bear the thought of him gone forever. i know its wrong but i still so desperately love him, i only ever did things to help him and look how he's repaid me! what annoys me is the fact that every1 thinks hes so lovely and charming when behind closed doors he became so cruel. why do people want to hurt others? this is the biggest pain and i dont know how im going to cope.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I think you should just leave him trust me i was in the same situation I did everything I can for my ex of one year and all she did was hurt me. I believe that when someone always get's what they want and your so good to them them take you for granted. Remember the saying you never know what u got untill it's gone well use it if you really care for him and can see this going somewhere then let him go and let him see what you mean to him if that doesen't work your with the wrong guy and it won't get better and move on you deservr better good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): He is an emotionally abusive man and thrives off of your misery.
You deserve more in life then the pervert you are dating.
He is also very controlling and has a deep seeded hatred for women; it offends him to see a strong and vibrant woman...he is destructive and cut him lose for good Sweetie.
Animals like that are incapable of love...he sounds like a sociopath...no remorse whatsoever.
He did a good number on you...you are still caught up in his evil, twisted, disgusting game of abuse.
Please seek some individual counselling and harden your heart against such people.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 He was probably onto something when he said he hurts you "because you take it". There's something that's not quite there for him in this relationship. It's really obvious that he *doesn't* love you -- in fact, he doesn't even act like he likes you -- but he enjoys the benefits of having a girlfriend, with the result that, he hurts you but allows you to stay around!
Put another way, he's taking advantage of your feelings for him.
Now's question time: why do you keep coming back to be taken advantage of?
He doesn't care for you (he sounds very immature and selfish, actually) and treats you badly, but you keep clinging on; what message are you sending? I get "Treat me mean! I have no self-esteem!"
And that's just what he does.
You need to gather your dignity around you and decide whether you want to continue to waste your time with someone so self-centred and ignorant that he'll let you clean up after him, then berate you until you cry.
Is that really the relationship you want?
Or, would you like to be with a man who enjoys and looks forward to your company and treats you with care and love?
To do the latter, you have to walk away from the former, so get your trainers on, woman! This guy is one of the biggest losers I've read on this site... and I've been answering questions here since December 2004!
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