A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online and we've been dating for 3 months. I have even met his son and hung out with them both on several occassions. About a month ago he asked me if I was happy with the way things are going. I said yes and he told me the reason he asked is because in past relationships he's know relatively soon that he was in love and with me he dosn't have that crazy over the top head over heels feeling yet. He said he definitely feels something for me and wants to continue dating. Since then he still texts me everyday and we see each other once or twice a week (we live an hour from each other) but the texts aren't as frequent and the tone of them has changed. But when I see him in person he is still very affectionate and caring. I hate to admit I've been checking up on him on the dating site but he still goes on it everyday and has been the whole time we've been dating. It's very hurtful. I feel like he's just keeping me around until he finds someone better. I want to tell him how this makes me feel. Is it ok to talk to him about this or should I just let it go? Or should I walk away from the relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): He IS keeping you around until he finds someone better. He already told you this in so many words when he said he is not inlove. He likes you but he is not inlove. So what else do you need to ask him? You are both casually dating, you are not exclusive, he has told you how he feels and it doesn't sound like it is going to change. Of course you should move on. And you don't even have to give him an explanation. I'm surprised you haven't already when he told you how he feels. And that whole thing of dating you for 3 months, then so bluntly and callously telling you he is not in love with you, while introducing you to his son, and giving you false hope...this guy strikes me as a douche.Just don't even answer his calls and close the door on that chapter. Next.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 3 months together and he's still on a dating site. That's definitely not on in my eyes. He's not giving your relationship a chance if he's constantly looking for something better. You will feel better if you leave, trust me I've been there with guys like this. You'll end up feeling like there is something wrong with you because he doesn't like you enough. But maybe there is something wrong with him!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): You've been dating him for three months & he is still on dating websites. I don't know if you are sleeping with him, but I'm guessing you are. If that is the case, I'd stay away from him, it sounds like he is the type always looking for something better.
I think his comment was very rude too, saying he doesn't have the crazy head over heel feeling for you, but he'll keep seeing you.... How nice of him, I know the type & they make you feel like you are not good enough & your self-esteem suffers. I'd tell him since he is still actively seeking dates, you obviously aren't the one for him. See the red flags, you are not wrong for the way your feeling.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 March 2013):
 I would not be happy that he is still active DAILY on the dating site, not even after "only" 3 months together. BUT I would ASK him if exclusivity with him means you BOTH delete profiles and at what time he thinks that should be, see if you are on the same page. I do't see a problem talking about your expectations for exclusivity and what it means to you. HE might feel the same way, he might not. Better to know now WHERE he stands.
For me someone who is on a dating site is LOOKING for dates. Long term or short term. Someone IN a relationship (even a new one) who checks their profile daily, is LOOKING at his options DAILY.
I would tell him how it makes you feel, he might not even consider that it affects you. If he doesn't like it, well, then you have your answer as well.
Now this guy is a single dad, so (I'm guessing) he is taking it a lot slower then someone who DOESN'T have a child, however he introduced you early on to his son, so I would see that as him being interested in you, or not a very smart parent.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2013):
 He may change his mind but i'm thinking yeah he's just biding his time till someone better comes along.
the issue is if you feel more and want more and he's not going to give you more what do you want to do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): "I feel like he's just keeping me around until he finds someone better."
It's possible OP but you'll only find that out by talking to him.
3 months isn't that long. The question is OP are you happy with the way things are now or do you need to go to the next level?
For me 3 months is the cut off if I want a real relationship and have feelings for someone. I'm not going to waste my time with a woman who won't commit and still isn't sure she wants to be with me after 3 months. In my mind the idea that she would lose me for good would be enough of an incentive to make up her mind either way.
The still active on the dating site thing would be a deal breaker for me from the start though. I won't be anyone's second/third option. If they don't have enough respect for me to give me their full attention then they don't get mine and seeing as I don't want the extra risk of an STI they're useless as a sex buddy too.
What do you want to happen here OP, is this a guy you'd like to give it a go with? Would you be able to give this another couple of weeks without feeling used or hurt? Are you happy with the fact you may well be his second/third option?
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