A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28 years old and have been seeing this guy for about 4 months. When we first started going out he told me that he was int he middle of a divorce. The soon to be ex and him seemed to have an okay relationship for the sake of the kids. When we first started dating things were unbelievably great. He would call me 2 sometimes 3 times a day and we would see eachother 3 to 4 times a week. Now the divorce is getting ugly and the ex is slandering his reputation to try and get sole custody of the kids. Soon after this whole thing started the phone calls started dwindling away and we no longer see eachother. He swears it's just a bump in the road, that he's just stressed and is trying to focus on the kids, but I'm feeling more and more rejected. He says to look at it as "we're just taking a break", but he hardly returns phone calls anymore. Is he blowing me off? Was I just a passing fancy? Or should I not take it personally and wait it out?
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Divorce is extremely stressful, agonizing and just plain awful. Try to be supportive and loving during this time and know that his behavior is not necessarily what is 'normal' for him. His neglect or even lashing out at you could very well be due to the current trauma of what he is going through. Let him know you will be there for him, talk to him, see him when you/he can. Try not to take it all too personally. If it helps, ask him outright what his thoughts and feelings are. Tell him you need a little reasurance that he does care for you and that this is temporary. If he can reassure you than *try* to relax a bit.
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 He could be lieing to you that the divorce is that devastating or he could be tellign the truth. in my experience divorce, even on the most peaceful terms, is still a very very sad experience. I think you should take it as a break, there is not enough space inside him now to deal with your relationship with him, as he has the kids and the divorce to sort out. Tell him you will back off for a couple months or so and reassure him you are doign it because you understand he must be going through horrible times and that you care about him. you culd write hima letter. then leave it at that and try to go out and enjoy your life the best you can. just like him, you have the right to build yourself up and live your days. You could keep very light contact to him just for both of you to know that you're alive and well kind of thing and to give him modic support. then when his divorce is finished he will come to look for you or not but that is the next step altogther. I just know that divorce is a mess and it can mess up your head big time. I hope it works out for you.
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