A
female
age
36-40,
*otoriousMLB
writes:During this past school year I met a guy that I totally fell for. I wasn't looking for anything, but he started flirting with me. Problem was he had a gf, which I soon found out wasn't a problem to him. We started hooking up but he wouldn't have sex with me because he considered that cheating! Not the bjs or whatever else we were doing. I should mention that before him, my sexual experiences were quite limited (I never told him that though). Also, I had never done anything sexual while I was sober. I really did like doing things with him when I was drunk. I enjoyed our foreplay and giving him head. So we graduated and I never thought I would see him again or even talk to him. We live 5 hours apart and he still had his gf. In his dorm room we could hang out and talk for hours and mess around. It was fun, but as soon as I left his room, he wouldn't talk to me. Not even a "hi" as he passed me in the hall or simple message on msn- until he wanted to "hang out" again. At grad he didn't even say anything, in fact he actively looked the other way when I walked past him and his family and girlfriend. Which was a clear sign that I needed to get over him NOW!That was at the end of May. A month later, I found out through facebook that he broke up with his girlfriend. Then a couple of weeks ago I decided to make plans to visit a friend that lives close to him and he found that out and messaged me asking him to come visit. After a long debate with myself I decided to go visit him. We were back to how we were in school, hanging out and talking for hours. The talking was alternated with sex and bjs. Which finally brings me to my question. This was the first time I have ever done anything sexual while sober. After we had sex he asked me if I had had sex a lot and I didn't know how to respond so I changed the subject. Now, I'm wondering if he asked me because I was bad- for the first part I pretty much just lay there I was soo nervous and thinking waaay too damn much. Then I finally got into and it was good. But, nothing that he used to do made me feel good. I really didn't get any sexual sensations even from the things that drove me wild previously. Could this be because I was sober or nervous or a combination? Then I was wondering if he asked me about my sexual experience because he thought I was loose. Which I don't think I am (I've had sex only 10 times) but I do get really wet. How does that affect a guys sensation? I thought they liked that.Now on to part 2 of my question. At school, I loved giving him head. I got really into it and tried different things and was initiating the act. But, this time I didn't really want to and I told him I didn't like giving head. He told me that I was the first girl he's ever heard say that. Since I've been home I've been reading "how to's" on giving head and apparently that is a major turn off. So, last part of my question! I am now totally paranoid that I wasn't good at anything. He's going to be coming out my way in a month and a half and I said he should call me, he said he would. But now I'm thinking if I wasn't good, will he really? I think I was better when I was drunk. I have body issues and am insecure, but when I'm drunk I get way more into sex and being creative. But, with me sober I was soo nervous and afraid to try things (like being on top) for fear that I would do something "wrong" or not look hot or be that sex goddess guys fantasize about. I would really appreaciate any advice that I could receive. Or opinions from someone else's point of view to what he may be thinking.
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broke up, drunk, facebook, flirt, foreplay, insecure, msn, really wet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): do you know what?? I feel exactly the same way as you, I'm so body concious that unless I am intoxicated I find it impossible to relax. But this guy obviously isn't bothered, nothing about your body could be that bad trust me. When I'm your position I just think to myself that if he doesn't like the way I look he isn't worth it and can f**k off. Don't worry about being bad, because to be honest how it is is different for everyone. Just relax and enjoy it.Hope this helpsxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): I'm sorry to say this, but the guy is using you. It seems like all you ever do when you see him is perform sexual acts. The reason that you didn't get any pleasures from him whislt sober was because you were very nervous and thinking too much about if you were doing it right i presume. I'm guessing you had awkard moments too?Secondly, the reason you don't like giving bjs anymore is beacause now that your brain is 100% there [sober] you don't wanna be doing those things, you have to remember that when you're drunk you gain a whole new confidence and would do basically anything ! I knew a guy that's really smart, snobish and quite stuck up, when he was drunk that changed!He was kissing tables laughing at the most random things which WERN'T funny. So, really and truthfully if you wanna be good with the whole sex thing while sober you need to find a guy thats really nice and go at a slow pace, you're still young just give it some time, don't rush into things.Gain some confidence, if you're not happy with your body you need to think why your doing this with that loser. Maybe you want to feel needed and appriciated? For your own insecurities.To make yourself feel better, why not join a gym and and make new friends there, stuff like that. I'm sure when you do find the guy to appriciate you properly and not expect bjs all the time and stuff like that he'd be willing to go at your pace, you just gotta be patient.Hope this helped xXx
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