A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years on and off. Well lately, things has been going downhill. It has been like that for a while now. No matter what i do or say, he still acts like he doesnt care or treat me like i should. In the past, he has cheated multiples of times and i took him back every time. He lies to me. He choose playing video games and gambling with his friends more than spending time with me or asking me if i would like to do anything. He disrespects me. He doens't show the love and affection a woman deserves. He can go days without talking to me with no problem. He always says i'm nagging when there's no closure in a lot of situations and issues that has been going on in our relationship. I'm the type of female to sit down and talk about our issues not just let it flow in the air. I've moved out thinking he'll move in with me but he won't. He uses the excuse that he doesn't like the neighborhood i'm in. I'm expecting (10wks) and he doesn't show he cares at all. I've have had 2 miscarriages in the past, one due to disformality and the other due to stress caused by him. I've did so much for him and he doens't do the same in return. I love and care about him so freaking much that i don't even know why. I wanna move on but it's hard now that i'm pregnant and the love i have for him. He acts more like a 15 yr old then a 20 yr old. I haven't heard from him in 2 days and he has done this before. He went 5 days without talking to me. How can i just be real with my words when i say i'm done?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): ''so very confused'' has got it in one. not being mean or cruel but... are you sure you want to keep this pregnancy?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 Bingo. Attraction isnt a choice. This guy is in his own world so much that u want in so bad u want to be a priority n u want him so ur chasing? Why? I ask why cos ur pregnant. Hes immature prob irresponsible n not ready to be a father. This is a boy. Not a man. Get rid of him n dont expose ur child to this.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (21 February 2013):
Bingo. Attraction isnt a choice. This guy is in his own world so much that u want in so bad u want to be a priority n u want him so ur chasing? Why? I ask why cos ur pregnant. Hes immature prob irresponsible n not ready to be a father. This is a boy. Not a man. Get rid of him n dont expose ur child to this.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 If you don’t know why you love him we have to figure that part out. Personally I think you are staying with him out of fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being loved… Both of these are irrational fears. YOU are quite young and need to decide if you are worth more than this mistreatment from a man who clearly does not love you. (at least it’s clear to us on the outside)
Let’s start with my favorite exercise… you need two sheets of paper. On sheet one you title it “my dream guy” and you make a list of all the things you want in a dream guy. ON the back you make a list of all your DEAL BREAKERS… these are things you will not tolerate in a relationship. Note that you already know that lying and cheating and ignoring you are acceptable behaviors based on your current relationship? If they are not acceptable then you already know what to do OP… kick him to the curb.
Not ready to dump him? I understand… lets go to page two.
On the top you list boyfriend’s name
Draw a line down the middle
On the left… all his good points as they currently are. Not what you wish him to be, not what he was, not what you THINK he can be… but ONLY WHAT is CURRENTLY good about being with him…
On the right.. all the bad thing he currently is doing.
Compare your lists… can you accept that he’s a liar and a cheater? IF so, you must never mention it again, you cannot hold his past behavior against him since it’s not a deal breaker for you with him. Why is it acceptable from him?
You’ve had two miscarriages and now are pregnant again? Why are you not on a more reliable form of birth control? Did you subconsciously think that getting pregnant would make him grow up and love you ?
I know you want to move on…. You can’t say you are done till you are done. What you say to him is ‘your behavior is not acceptable. Currently I’m working on leaving you, when I am ready I am going to go and I won’t look back.” And then you start working on it. One day you will love yourself and your child enough to not tolerate this mis-treatment.
Keeping this baby will only tie you to him financially for life… You will need court ordered DNA and paternity and then you will need to get your child support order as a garnishment and he will have little cash and you will become the uber bitch from hell to him and then you won’t have to worry… he will hate you… but it’s his child and he has to support it. I’d also strongly recommend that he has supervised visitation. You need legal counsel on how to protect your child. You are going to be a single mother pining away for this man who is nothing more than a sperm donor.
Get free of him physically, emotionally and mentally… heal yourself so that you can find a man who will treat you and your baby the way you deserve (which btw does not exempt the sperm donor from supporting his child properly whether he wants to or not)
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (20 February 2013):
Think about how he treats you, and think about how you would feel if he treats your child like that. Because that will be how he is. He won't be there for the baby. He will gamble away his money instead of buying necessities. He will spend time playing games or going out with his friends rather than bonding with the baby or helping out with you. You are pregnant now and he doesn't give you the time of day. Things are not going to get better once the baby is born. Add on top of that he is a cheater and doesn't seem to want to commit. There is pretty much nothing going for him. I know you love him, but he isn't good for you or the baby. Break up with him, heal, and focus your energies on your baby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Just to be clear I'm talking about a figurative slap in the face, not actual violence.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): You can't be real about your words when you say you're done because they'd be lies, you will never ever be done with this guy.
OP you've put "love" over your well being and happiness and guess what, you very soon (fingers crossed) will have a child with him and no escape from him for the rest of your life.
You've chosen the path of never escaping him. I feel bad for you OP, that's a hell of a life sentence with a man who is essentially just a cunt. An utter cunt of a man and everything that can and is wrong in a man is him. But hey, you love him, so that makes the pain worth it right, love is more important than a good life with a good father to your kid?
Best of luck OP, pretty soon you'll have a kid who learns from daddy to treat you the exact same way, like dirt all because you're too weak to do what's best for yourself. Enjoy your life sentence.
Sorry if you feel that's too harsh, but I believe you need a slap in the face and kick up the arse, not a hug. You like to wallow in self pity, well it's made you weak.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Your submittal reads like a cookbook of most-all the things that separate good boyfriends from bad boyfriends. Unfortunately, your's is one of the bad ones....
I suggest that you keep re-reading your submittal until you realize that this "young-man-child" is toxic to you and your life.... (and, incidentally, to the well-being of your baby!!!!)...
Then, sit down and convince yourself that the MOST IMPORTANT THING in your life, right now, is that little baby growing inside you..... THEN, convince yourself that you really are "on your own" in this matter... and you could and should be spending all your time and attention considering how to make life the best you can, for you and your new baby....
Good luck...
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