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female
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anonymous
writes: Got fixed up with a guy one month ago. During that time, we have instantly "clicked" and find that we are very similar in almost every important way. He is divorced with two children (his wife had an affair)and has been divorced for three years. After giving me the rush for one month, he told me last night that he "fell hard" ten months ago for a married woman who has children. They dated 8 months, and he has been out of the relationship for two months as she filed for divorce but decided to make the marriage work. He said he was very hurt by this and realizes he hasn't totally gotten her out of his mind. He says that he wants to keep seeing me, but not continue to get physical, because he doesn't want to elevate things before he is mentally ready.He says he is telling me this because he sees me as someone he could get very serious with and with whom there is a lot of potential and he doesn't want to ruin it with old baggage. He said that he did not plan on liking me as much as he did. He says that he needs a little time but still wants to call and see me and then come to me when he gets it all behind him for an exclusive physical relationship. He doesn't feel I deserve anything less (nor do I). Does anyone out there have any advice? Is this just a fancy way to say goodbye? Or could he actually be very into me and care about how this proceeds? Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 He sounds like he is being very honest with both you and himself. Obviously he doesn't want to rush into the relationship with you for fear of hurting you because he maybe isn't fully ready to move on at the moment, and wants to be sure he's not on the rebound.It maybe too soon in his mind for him to have another serious relationship.
Sounds like he's been through the mill a bit lately and he has honestly said he needs some space and time and no physical relationship at present with you. You should respect these wishes for a time, of course it wouldn't be fair for him to keep you hanging about for too long, and he should be made aware of this. At least you will not feel as if he has used you should he decide not to go ahead with the relationship.
I assume he is not seeing anyone else at present only I get the impression from what you write that he may be sleeping with someone else in the meantime? "(still wants to call and see me and then come to me when he gets it all behind him for an exclusive physical relationship.)"
You have to decide if this is the case whether you want to take the chance and wait around for this guy or get on with your life. Should you get together at some point, great, if not no harm done. He can't expect you not to see anyone else if he is while sorting his head out. You are both taking a chance, him meeting someone he likes more than you, or you meeting someone else without the baggage.
If you are together as a couple but not having sex yet, then give him some time, but if he's out there dating others while your waiting for him to make up his mind then don't wait, get on with your life and wait and see how things pan out.
Good luck!
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