A
female
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*tevie jade
writes:Is my fella under-confident with giving me oral sex, or is he just a selfish lover? He's gave it to me twice in 15 months.He says he doesnt like the look of a vagina, cos it looks sore? Hes good at it and ive told him.He'll do it 4 me on my birthday tho! so he says...He also never likes giving foreplay,doesnt like to finger me,I have to tell him to. What is wrong with him?
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female
reader, stevie jade +, writes (14 March 2007):
stevie jade is verified as being by the original poster of the question Its been a long time,theres a lot of problems in our relationship lately.ive finally been able to talk to him openly he says hele try it.still nothing.I have come to the conclusion, hes just selfish.In every way!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): Oh my honey. It's an instincts for a man to like the smell, taste, and looks of a vagina. I'm not saying he's a homosexual, but keep in mind, that might be the case. Some men hate doing oral and some men LOVE IT. Oral is amazing and very sensual for a women, and a lot of women can only orgasms, or have the best orgasm that way.. I know I do!
But, heres the deal, if he's not pleasing you in bed, your probably going cheat on him for someone who loves and is a pleasurer! You need a pleasurer.. but if you love him, and don't care about the whole sex thing.. then I would suggest you put some vibrators!
But if he doesn't like the look of a vagina or whatever, if he wasn't selfish and loved you and wanted to please you and make you feel good.. he would stuck it up like a man and do it! Theres things in life we hate but we have to deal with it to make others feel good..
Maybe he doesn't think hes prforming well either.. maybe he's self-conious that he's not doing it well?
I don't know how your relationship is.. but if he's being a brat in bed.. I can see him being a brat all the time..
Talk to him.. COMMUNICATION IS THE BEST.. you shouldn't have to wait for your birthday to get the best feeling..
I sometimes don't wanna have sex.. but I do it because my boyfriends want too.. and I bet that's a lot of people..
I hope I helped. :-)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Maybe hes gay?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): cheers
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (7 November 2006):
 Well at first, he really didn't want to do it. He kept saying, no i'll just dissapoint you blah blah. But i persisted and let him know how will i knwo you suck at it if you never try. About 4 months after we started having sex he finally made his first attempt. He also had a bad experience with his ex... apparently the smell wasn't too pleasing down there in her case so as imagined it turned him off, but he realized not all woman have such a pungent odor and that helped. I kept reassuring him, (even if at first it was a bit theatrical) I showed him he was blowing my mind. I also if he hit a good spot or rhythm let him know to keep at it. After a few times of asking him, or offering to have a 69 (which is better side to side rather than top/bottom) he loved it, and would even sometimes in the mornings give me a nice wake up call. Also try food play, like whip cream with a cherry, or flavored lubes that might give him some incentives as well. Maybe since he is so finicky about presentation try making a cute design with your hair down there... like a heart. and keep it tidy down there there is nothing worse for a person than trying to get through all that hair to get to the goods, whether it be man or woman no one wants a face full of pubes. Good luck... and give it time it may be a gradual precession of things. (oh and extra points if you call him a "god" at it they seem to like that!
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A
female
reader, stevie jade +, writes (6 November 2006):
stevie jade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also want to ask lemonpixie " how long did it take you to change his mind about things?"
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A
female
reader, stevie jade +, writes (6 November 2006):
stevie jade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot lemonpixie. I hope i can build his confidence in this. Hes only ever done it once to his ex,because he loved her.so he might have had a bad experience.I just need for him 2 see that it can be pleasurable giving the person you love pleasure.If you have any more ideas of how i can show him this, id be gratefull, thank you.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (6 November 2006):
Well my beau did not like giving oral. I had found this out because we were friends before we dated and a group of us were chatting on about sex, like sand dislikes. He said he hated giving it, he felt he was bad at it and just didn't do it. I have switched that around quite a bit now. He always asks to give me oral, nearly everytime we have sex, and doesn't ask for anything in return, although i enjoy giving back too... but I made him feel confident that he was good at it, and guided him when he did do it. Now he's a master at it, and never needs instruction. So possibly it could be a case of him feeling inadequate in that depeartment. I wouldn't recommend showing him, most of us called him selfish...that might make him feel bad. Good luck hun!
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A
female
reader, stevie jade +, writes (6 November 2006):
stevie jade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhaha! Yes I do give him oral, because i enjoy doing it to him. Its not a case where i say he should do it because i do it to him,im not that selfish,it would just be nice every once in a while! I want to know if theres any guys out there that dont like giving oral, and I would like to ask if my fella would get offended by all of this.Do you think it would help if i shown him some of your responses?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): It sounds like he associates a vagina with something else and thus the "revulsion". You don't just decide to not like something out of nowhere. There is a reason.
Is it the look or taste? It sounds more like a trust issue; intamacy.
How can a grown man in this day and age not know or understand the value/importance of foreplay? Especially for a woman?
Has he shared fantasies? That there may have "answers".
Does he just view women as objects there for his pleasure?
I know of a nice guy who is very personable and friendly and comes across as a bit shy and reserved but in the bedroom...he is more about telling the woman what to do and big on oral sex and having her please him and not about giving to the woman. He has complained of having a hard time finding that "perfect" woman.
I told him he needs to lay of the porn. He said yah; that is where it was influenced.
A man who was burned by his ex wife and has unresolved anger issues.
There is a reason but you may not understand or want to find out.
Talking about how you feel and what you like is a start.
How else is the man going to learn?
Best of wishes.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (5 November 2006):
lol go ahead... be my guest... Ive been using it for years hehe
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 November 2006):
 Squid....I'll be using that, count on it! You don't have a copywrite on that do you, Lemonpixie?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 November 2006):
Squid....I'll be using that, count on it! You don't a copywrite on that do you, Lemonpixie?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2006): I'm sorry, though I 100% agree with pleasing my woman every way possible, I have to say that a vagina looks mighty horrific, like a cave-dwelling monster with massive gaping mouths and a giant bait at the top to lure in unsuspected travellers. [wink] Plus a vagina is a cavern, where as a penis is a tower. It's a lot easier to clean something on the outside than on the inside.
However, please don't throw your heels and purses at me. I'll lick my woman until she cums, while she cums, after she cums and until she cums again and again and again. Will need to chew on ice afterwards tho. Poor tongue... [sobs]
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A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (3 November 2006):
 Do it in the dark, tell him dont look at "just put it in your mouth". (lol) You have to let him know it goes both ways, a penis dont look all that cute either, so if he wants you to do it he's going to have to give. Good luck and have fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): although I think all these responses are very funny!, I think that its just a personal thing if he doesnt like doing it then thats it. you should only be giving him head because you want to or because you enjoy doing it.
although sex is about give and take, I dont think you should say "I will only give you oral if you give me oral".
My hubby doesnt like doing it to me but I really enjoy doing it to him, and I'm not bothered.
if you dont like doing it to him then dont do it, but dont hold out on it just because he wont do it to you.
thats silly.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (3 November 2006):
HEHE what can i say i have a weird imagination! ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): A squid?! Oh my goodness, LemonPixie....that is hilarious! Thanks for great laugh...I've never heard 'it' described in such a way. Good one! lol :)
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A
female
reader, stevie jade +, writes (3 November 2006):
stevie jade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionha ha ha! u lot have put a smile on my face! Thanks. But i cant get rid of him im just gunna av 2 really work hard at it, and hopefully get somewhere! I just dont think hes used to it, but hes got 2 get used 2 it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): Sounds selfish to me. Sounds like he wants to be serviced and that's all. Tell him his wiener is really small and he doesn't get you off when he bangs you. He'll start licking after he hears that! If he doesn't, ship him out and go find someone worth your time.
He's never going to satisfy a woman if he doesn't do foreplay or give oral sex.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (3 November 2006):
What the hell? Let him know penis aren't all that nice looking either, they look like squids! Does he think he has a work of art in his pants? He needs to deal with it. What a selfish jerk. Don't give him oral if he doesn't give you oral thats preposterous. Like Yos said get rid of him if he doesn't comply... you deserve someone who will make you feel proud of your body, not ashamed of it!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 What's wrong with him? Hard to say, but something is. My guess from what you say is that he is just selfish. It sounds like he might just be interested in his own pleasure and is making excuses.
It's important for you that you get what you want out of the relationship. Don't let him take advantage of you or treat you disrespectfully. Decide what you are willing to put up with, make it clear to him, and if he doesn't shape up get rid of him. There are men out there who will treat you as you deserve and will have no problem with giving you oral sex.
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