A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need some advice on my relationship with my partner. I have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship, and I am expecting a baby with my new partner in the next few weeks.My partner doesn't really get on with my daughter, he doesn't make an effort really to get to know her, he can be really sharp with her when she's talking to him, sometimes he doesn't listen to her. He picks her up on everything; doesn't let anything slide. At other times, they can get on really well (when he makes the effort). He thinks she's spoiled, and winds me round her little finger, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that she's been used to it just being me and her for most of her life, and now my partner is in our lives, and a new baby on the way, she just wants attention and reassurance? He doesn't get this? We've both been bought up very differently, him very strict by a step father and I was bought up by both parents, and a bit of a daddy's girl. We have different idea's of disciplining children (which is going to be fun with the new baby!). He has kids with an ex partner and, I feel, he can be too hard on them sometimes, whereas I know I can be too soft with my daughter. We need a middle ground!How can I help them get along and improve their relationship, or is this just a lost cause? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DavidW  +, writes (4 January 2009):
You just be very careful here, it is not uncommon for a stepfather to interfere sexually with step children, mine interferred with all my seven sisters and nobody thought he could do such a thing but he did and went to jail.
Please be very careful, it does not matter how well you know a person or how much you trust him it could happen.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Oh dear, its a toughie isn't it. I cant help thinking its your partner that needs to make most of the effort here, because only sometimes isn't good enough for children. That wont help matters. If he made the effort all the time, it would more than likely pay off. She will trust him. Of course your daughter is going to find it hard to adjust if she's been used to just having you. But she is young, in years to come, it will be the norm all of you together. She will get used to it. And the chances are she will love being the big sis once the baby gets here. I would be having a word with him though and making him see that she needs lots of reassurance and that will make life easier for everyone.
Its rare to get 2 people that see eye to eye all the time on parenting. But apparently finding a middle ground is achievable! Probably communication needed. I dont know. Thats a tricky one.
Good luck
C xxxxxx
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