A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can you help me? I go to a private, all girls school. I'm on a bursary though, although my family is well off but nothing compared to most of the people there. Anyway I'll try and keep it short. My group of friends are awful to me. And if I try and talk about it, it's seen as making a scene, and im sure you know how girls love drama. It gets out of hand. So I keep quiet. I dont speak unless spoken too. Thats useless, people jsut say I'm mardy - I'm not I'm afraid of speaking incase they twist my words! I used to be very quiet, then I went to this school, made some good friends, got confident, it was great :) But then this one girl joined my friendship group, and her opinion over rules mine. And everyone loves her. And she hates me. I dont know why. She calls me a slag and a whore behind my back (of course it gets back to me... must have drama..) She likes the guys that like me. I don't want guys! I don't want anything :( I'm sick of it. I walk in the classroom every morning and not one of my best friends for years says hello. I cant talk to anyone, as I cant trust it wont get back to whoever, and it will be classed as bitching. Im so miserable its unreal. Im always the one left out. My best friends began ditching me and treating me like dirt, and when I questioned her, all hell broke loose and it was my fault. She used to be a nice girl, but they changed her. Shes not who she used to be. I miss her. You may say to just go get new friends.. its not as easy as that. Rumors and gossip would spread like wildfire. I can see it now 'What, you trying to look cool with your new friends?!'... I dont think so. And how do I know they all arn't like it? People are good at putting on a act here. I promise im realy not exadurating. I dont have long left at this school, thank god. But my next school may be the same one as the girl who hates me is going too. I cant take it much longer, if i were weaker I doubt I would even take a levels. But she cant stop me... even if she can make me unhappy. She spreads rumors and ruins relationships. I read this: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People it's EXACTLY her. Down to the last point!But right now I just need help with how to keep the peace with my 'friends'. They make me feel so excluded though.. and if i talk to them about it I expect they would laugh. Everyone thinks im so happy, the perfect popular loved up life. But I'm really not. They even got all angry at me because I got 2 valentines cards and they got none, because I said I didnt know who the second one was from, but didnt want to bring it to school, so they assumed i was lying. But they are not jealous, well the one that hates me probaly is, but thats about it. She has so much influence, yet all of them bitch about each other behind their backs! I hear things. I just hate it, especially since losing my best friend, i dont know how to get her back either, as she would probaly just report back to the others later on. I'm so upset I can't eat in front of them (I dont know why :S)Is it worth trying... sorry I said I wouldn't ramble, but I'm kinda kept this in for a long time... any advice for me? I'm sorry you probably hear this all the time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): I hope you do realise why you're in school... And maybe put the focus and the energy into that... Sad to see a lot of people who just miss the boat completely...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): How do you define friendship? People that you force yourself to spend time with is hardly considered "friends". I spend quite a bit time with my co-workers, clients and the like. I don't call them friends.
Seriously, what these classmates of yours are doing is bullying and taking advantage of you. I don't get it. Are you so eager to be someone else's doormat, that you need this sort of 'friendship'?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This new girl is a bitch and loves to play games, well a lot of girls your age do to be honest.
The trick I find and my teenage sister agrees is to be better at it than her, I don't mean be a bitch, just be smarter.
Girls like that thrive on rumours and gossip and unfortunately your "friends" are lapping that up. Her weakness is that she's a big ball of lies, pay close attention to the things she says behind peoples back and remember them and clearly too, she will slip up big and thats when you pounce.
When theres a group of them around including her and the person she was talking about, plus a couple of witnesses that heard her say these things, call her out, ask her in front of everyone and the girl in question out loud, why she said those things and watch her squirm.
Don't be afraid to do this everytime you hear her say something like that, always call her out. It shows both guts and integrity.
Just make sure you don't do the same things she does when you hear a rumour don't pass it on, if someones bitching to you about someone let them off, listen but don't add new information, people don't trust people like her for a second and it will come back to bite her on the ass.
She is crazy jealous of you and wants what you have, to be you, the best way to deal with a bitch like that is to keep being you and stick to your principles, you should feel sorry for this girl she's gonna have a very hard life, people like her will move from group to group their entire lives and never develope any real or lasting friendships.
Don't let her push you too far though, if you feel she's bullying you in anyway, put a stop to it fast.
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