A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I casually told my boyfriend that today I was going to lunch at my grandma's place.He asked me why, so I told him she was going to cook one of my favorite dishes, so she had invited me.His answer: "Well, thank your grandma for the invitation!" - a sarcastic remark about how he didn't got invited too.My family really likes him but a month ago my grandma invited us both for dinner, and he texted me at the last minute saying he was running late and would meet me there. And he didn't even show up (that situation is already taken care of).So now my grandma won't ask him to join us, and honestly, I don't really want to invite him because I'm afraid he'll do the same thing.He usually texts me every morning, and he didn't text today. I think he is mad.. Does he even have the right to be mad?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 he does not have the right to be mad.
He was rude in not contacting you to say he would not make it.
IF he did not apologize to your grandmother, he's wrong and if he's mature he knows he's wrong and is probably embarrassed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): He's not mad and he most likely was making a joke about how he didn't even show up the first time.
OP that's what sarcasm is. He didn't mean it, so he's not angry he just knows he's not likely to be invited again so he made that joke.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 March 2013):
 We're missing the all-important question here:
He didn't show up, right?
Did he call your grandma and apologize for missing the invitation, offer an explanation for his not showing up, and thank her for inviting him?
I'm guessing that he didn't do any of these things. It's no wonder he didn't get invited back.
Now, my question to YOU is this: Why are you giving him a pass for flaking out on you and on showing disrespect to your grandma by blowing her off without so much as an apology to her?
The fact that he adds insult to injury by being sarcastic and defensive with you when he doesn't know how to treat people is a red flag. If he treats you well, but has bad manners and doesn't treat your loved ones well, then he is not a nice person.
Stop worrying about his feelings and start considering that you just found out something really not good about him. Are you going to blow that off, or are you going to tell him to make it right with your grandma? It's not up to her to invite him again. It's up to him to apologize and make it right for not showing. Everyone has unforeseen things happen, but a person with honor apologizes and makes it right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): No, he needs to be responsible for his actions, because this is entirely hus own fault. And if he did this again, it would look really bad on your family. Also it's hardly your fault. Perhaps just say he can come next time, but don't apologise because you haven't done anything wrong.. be nice though. You could maybe talk to him about it and just explain why and tell him how you feel
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (10 March 2013):
I agree with janniepeg, her advice is always spot on. he has no right to be mad, your grandma is understandably hurt and possibly insulted that he didnt turn up last time when he said he would.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 He doesn't have the right to be mad. Your boyfriend either has no sense of time, or he didn't really want to meet your grandma. If he's the kind who feels awkward meeting with an older person with generation gap, or feels the pressure of the relationship getting too serious, he's trying to cover up this fact by being "angry", and getting all personal about it.
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